How to assemble your OWN kilt-lifting kit

For many years we sold these marvelous little kits to the public. We recently decided that we would rather teach the world how to make their OWN kits. You can either keep the kit for yourself, or make one (or several) to give as a gift to your favorite kilt-lifting friend(s)!

What you need:

One printout of this page. If you're giving a kilt lifting kit to your friends, simply print out this page and pack it in the kit. Your friend will now have a complete set of instructions on how to use the tools of the trade. Plus, they can learn the ever-entertaining Scotsman song at the bottom of this page.

One sack to carry your tools of the trade. You can buy simple cotton laundry sacks a most dollar stores, or you can make one of your own. Simply cut two squares of fabric to the size you'd like. Stitch along three of the edges. On the unstitched egdge, fold it down and tuck the raw edge under the fold. Sew in place, leaving a one-inch section open to thread a drawcord through. When finished, turn it inside out (which will actually be right-side out!) abnd thread a drawcord through the opening and knot the two ends together.

One "dropping" kerchief. You can pick up one, two or a dozen at your local thrift shop, or you can make them yourself out of a swatch of lace, available at any fabric store. It doesn't have to be elaborate, because all you'll be doing with it is dropping it in the mud. How to use: If you drop your kerchief at the feet of a kilted man, either he will bend to pick it up, or you can sneak a peek under the kilt when you pick it up - either way, you win!

One lifting stick.You can wander around in the woods and use a simple stick you've found, or you can create an elaborate, carved, personalized and polished stick for yourself. How to use: Walk behind any kilted man and carefully lift the back edge of the kilt. If you're sly enough, he won't even notice that his kilt is being lifted.

One certificate. No kilt lifter should leave home without some sort of certification authorizing you to be fully licensed in the art of kilt-lifting. Print it out on elegant paper and tie it off with an official looking ribbon. How to use: When your kilted man questions your authority, simply show him your credentials.

Two shoe mirrors. What does he wear under that kilt? You can purchase simple hand-held mirrors at any dollar store. How to use: Simply slip them (mirror side up) into the toes of your sandals and glide your mirrored feet between any kilted man's feet, look down and you've got your answer in the mirror's reflection.

One indentifying mark. In all fairness, you should let the kilted men of the world be warned that you're guilty of such pleasures. We personally like the Scotsman's song and would like to suggest that all kilt lifters wear a Blue Silk Ribbon tied around their bodice strap or around their wrist to let the kilted world know you're out there, you're armed, and you're ready to peek. Let's see if we can start a new trend and fill the faires and highland festivals with blue ribbons!

The song:

Well a Scotsman tried and true left a bar on evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked that he drunk more than his share
He stumbled round until he could no longer keep his feet
Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside a stream

Ring ding diddle diddle aye de oh
Ring di diddly aye oh
He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside a stream

About that time two young and lovely ladies happened by
And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
See yon sleeping Scotsman, so strong and handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt

Ring ding diddle diddle aye de oh
Ring di diddly aye oh
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt

They snuck up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt a little bit so they could see
And there for them to behold, beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth

Ring ding diddle diddle aye de oh
Ring di diddly aye oh
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth

They marveled for a moment, then one said we must be gone
Let's leave a present for our friend, before we move along
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon, tied into a bow
Around the bonnie sword, the Scotsman's kilt beneath did show

Ring ding diddle diddle aye de oh
Ring di diddly aye oh
Around the bonnie sword, the Scotsman's kilt beneath did show

Now the Scotsman a little later, he awoke to nature's call
And as he lifted up his kilt he gawked at what he saw
And in a strangled voice he says I can't believe me eyes.
I don't know where you been, me lad, but I see you won first prize

Ring ding diddle diddle aye de oh
Ring di diddly aye oh
I don't know where you been, me lad, but I see you won first prize