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September &
October 2004
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Friday,
October 29 - ding dong, I'm a ding dong.
The belly pictures were taken last week - while I was trying to *behave* with my eating habits. At my last doctor's appointment, my OBGYN had given me a lecture about controlling my weight during pregnancy - because I had gained 5 pounds in one month. So I spent this past month eliminating all fast food, all fried foods and cutting down quite a bit on the desserts and candy. I was making an honest effort to stick to a balanced diet and not eat so much junk food. So I was actually rather proud of myself when I went to my appointment yesterday. I jumped up on the scale and told the nurse how well I'd been behaving with my diet as she slid the little metal bar across the scale. We both made the "HOLY SH*T" face at each other when we read the results. I had gained ELEVEN *bleeping* POUNDS in one month!!! I came home, bawling to my sister, Erin, who gave birth to Ethan last year. "Are you expecting SYMPATHY from me?" she asked? "You've passed my weight by two stupid pounds, and not only am I NOT six months pregnant - I'm not pregnant at ALL. You're whining to the wrong person." I called Shannon and got pretty much the same reaction - which was laughter. Mom laughed too, then told me that when she was pregnant with me, she went from 117 pounds to 185 pounds and not to feel so bad about the weight gain. (I remember stories from Dad - about a song he used to sing to her when she was pregnant, sung to the tune of "Merrily we roll along" only his words were "Marylee we roll along . . . ") So, anyway, my doctor told me now I have to cut out the pasta and bread, and focus on fresh fruits and veggies. And he's making me come back for another appointment in two weeks to make sure I'm behaving. <sulk> Oh
well. I guess I have to start eating healthy stuff anyway. I can't
feed Elizabeth potato chips and French onion dip for dinner every
night, can I? One of the things I like to do when I've got a bit of free time, is head over to my website stats and giggle at the keywords people use to find me on the search engines. Here were a few from this week that made me chuckle. They are listed by the keywords, and the number of people who visited my site using those keywords: Dodgeball
costumes - 19 and my two favorite keyword searches of all:
"White Trash Wedding Gown" both searched and found by one lucky person each. ;-) Happy Hallowe'en, everyone! Be safe! Peace, till next |
Wednesday,
October 20: Keeping buttocks clean We did not know, so figuring it's better to be safe than sh*tty, we bought a mother load of TP from BJs for our special day. When you buy toilet paper in bulk, you're buying the most basic, barely functional stuff on earth. Concerned about biodegradation? Don't be. This stuff disintegrates as soon as it touches your skin. The name of the brand we bought, appropriately enough, was EXETER. We laughed a good ten minutes about that one. And our thrifty shopping bought us approximately 48 rolls of long-lasting, sand-paper chafing, thickness-of-an-amoeba plastic bag O' butt-wipin' fun. On Saturday, June 12, we discovered that rented porta-potties DO come with toilet paper - and we were stuck with a lifetime supply of EXETER toilet paper for ourselves. We tried to pawn it off on friends and relatives. "ohhhh, no thanks. I have sensitive skin." they all said with a pleasant grin. We couldn't let 48 rolls of TP go to compete waste, so being the frugal chickadee that I am, I planted some in the downstairs bathroom. I planted some in the upstairs bathroom. I planted some in the living room to use as tissues. I planted some on the nightstand for the same purpose. I swear to the heavens that this horrific stuff actually multiplied behind our backs. A package of normal toilet paper doesn't last more than a week in our house. Brian and I started to mourn the absence of our beloved Charmin with a touch of aloe after the first week of EXETER use. First, in order for the stuff to work, you have to unroll a length of about 40 feet. And even then, if you crumple it, you've still only got a golf ball-sized wad. And it crinkles when you handle it. Toilet paper should not make noise. For nose-blowing, you can't get away with a single layer. A double layer isn't going to do it either. Half the time, a quad-rollover is going to break - depending on the force of the blow. So, to ensure a mess-free nostril explosion, you must use at least eight layers of EXETER. And no matter what, don't do the pos-blow inner-nostril wipe down with EXETER. You'll be scarred for life (or at least for the next week). So, for nearly five months, Brian and I have been trying to use up the EXETER toilet paper - and for the last two months, we have been trying to find more creative ways to put it to good use. If you can tolerate tiny balls of quickly disintegrating toilet paper, EXETER can be used as a sponge to scour the bathtub. It can be used to clean up cat vomit - but only if you used a LOT of it. <shudder> Yesterday was the final day of EXETER use and Brian and I threw a little party for ourselves. We bought a package of our beloved Charmin with a touch of aloe and squeezed it tightly. (Sorry, Mr. Whipple!) We ceremoniously took the spent EXETER tube off the toilet paper dispensing cylinder and replaced with with a puffy, fluffy roll of pillowed, cottony tush-goodness. Ahhhhh, heaven. As I welcomed touch-of-aloe Charmin back into my life, I started unrolling the puffy thickness and realized, out of EXETER habit, I had pulled free half of the entire roll of Charmin. It was enough to pad a mattress - and most certainly would have clogged our entire plumbing system for the next five years. (if nothing else, I can say something good about our pal EXETER, is that no matter how hard you try, it would be impossible to clog a toilet with that stuff.) Welcome back cushiony-cottony softness (with a touch of aloe). We missed you! Peace, till next |
| Saturday,
October 16 - The Host with the Most (annoying customer service skills
on earth) Some names have been changed to protect the unkind. I am an absolute stickler for customer service. I demand it if I'm paying someone to provide it. And in turn, if someone is paying me, I will go to the ends of the earth to accommodate the needs of my clients. I firmly believe that my business does so well because I'm probably one of the few people left on earth who understands that my customers are my only source of income - they pay my bills, put food on my table, and without them, I am nothing. Therefore, I do whatever I can to make them positively thrilled with my services. If they are less than thrilled, I do what I can to make things right. I am extremely fair and do my best to provide flawless support to my clients. Is it wrong of me to assume that any company I pay a large chunk of money to should provide the same level of customer service? I don't think so. Normally I shop around for the companies I choose to work with. I ask for references and I make educated decisions about them. I do Google searches to see if there are lots of complaints or praises about them. I read newsgroups. I investigate them to the hilt. When it comes to service, I don't require a whole lot of bells and whistles, but if I can find a company that will provide 24-hour customer support, I'll try them out, and if they are good to me, I'll be loyal and brag about them to anyone who will listen. If they are mean to me, I become a customer from hell. I have no patience for rudeness or unethical behavior. Back when I first started out in the World Wide Web, I didn't know anything about the internet or how to have a website. My dear husband took on the task of setting up my website and he did a wonderful job of it. He selected a hosting company that was rumored to be a good one, and signed my website up through them. At first I was absolutely THRILLED with them. I am not a computer whiz, so anytime my website fritzed or freaked, I could call them and they would walk me through everything. It was a honeymoon of a relationship and I was very pleased. Their prices were higher than other companies, but because their customer service was absolutely flawless, I didn't care. I willingly paid it just for that "warm-fuzzy-safe" feeling I had, knowing that they would help me anytime I needed it - days, nights or weekends. But then came the bandwidth problems. I received my first bandwidth overage bill and went ballistic. They had charged me $70.85 for one month of bandwidth overage. Being the technologically challenged fool that I am, I didn't even know what the hell "Bandwidth" was, so I called their handy-dandy tech support staff and asked what this was all about. I remember the phone call like it was yesterday. The voice on the other line told me that it MUST be a fluke - that unless I was playing movies to hundreds and thousands of people online, there's no way I would use that much bandwidth. He promised to look into it and call me back. But I didn't hear from him again . . . and the following month I was slammed with ANOTHER bandwidth overage bill. This time for $155. I called my handy-dandy 24-hour tech support team and went just a teeny bit off the charts with anger and asked why the other dude hadn't gotten back to me with a reason for such high fees. (I realize now that this is where my 24-hour honeymoon-quality tech support dream team was falling apart.) NOBODY could tell me why my bandwidth was so high. They put me in contact with tech, after tech, after tech. Finally I told them I'd be switching companies because I simply could not afford to pay these outrageous bandwidth overage prices. I hung up and called another hosting company, who took one look at my site and said "Yeah. Your pictures are WAY too big. If you make them smaller, you won't go over your bandwidth." I started reducing the size of the pictures, and hoped this was the solution to the problem. Two days later, my original hosting company called back and finally told me the same thing, and told me that if I reduced the size of my images, I would never have to worry about bandwidth overage charges again. I told them "Yes, I know. Another hosting company helped me out with this problem." I foolishly stayed with them - partly because it's such a pain in the buttocks for a technologically-challenged girl to figure out how to switch hosting companies, but mostly because I felt the size of the pictures was MY fault, not theirs. So I reduced the size of my images, removed anything that was NOT related directly to my own website, and tried again. Three months later I was slapped with another bandwidth overage bill for $106.95. I called, VERY angry. "Mistake! SORRY!" they cried and reversed the charges to my credit card. I then started to regret this hosting relationship. I became very suspicious of them. Their tech support staff was becoming less and less knowledgeable when I called with problems. Eventually that glorious, wonderful 24-hour tech support started to disappear and callers were directed to "leave a message at the tone and we'll call you back." To me this is not 24-hour customer support . . . But we have bigger fish to fry. On with my story. From May 2002 to May 2004, I was charged $1757.28. That breaks down to $73.22 a month for website hosting fees. If you host a website, you know how much it SHOULD cost. <rolling eyeballs> I was ready to call it quits with this company - and I called them to break the news - when, no kidding, they introduced me to this GREAT NEW OPTION called "web trio" where I could host three websites on one server, and it would reduce my monthly bill dramatically. I would be given a TON more bandwidth, and if I only used one website instead of three), I would never exceed the allotted bandwidth! I was overjoyed and told them to sign me up! They did, and for a while I was somewhat happy, with the exception of some email problems, stats issues and some website outages - which, in my opinion, were handled fairly incompetently. For example - On one occasion, I was not able to retrieve my email remotely through my hosting company, nor was I able to download it to my Outlook mailbox. I signed on to my hosting company's website and sent them a form letter through their website. I said simply: "My email is not working - I can't sign on via the internet to access it through my remote email control panel, nor can I download or send emails from outlook." I waited a few hours, and miraculously my email seemed to heal itself. As I downloaded my emails, I was astounded to find this gem, from my hosting company, among the many incoming messages: "Can you please tell me the error message that Outlook is giving you?" To which I responded: "My email has started working again, but I have a new question, based on your recent email to me: My initial problem was that my email wasn't working, and I informed you of this problem through your website form, which was the only way I could contact you (without having to leave a phone number and waiting for a callback) - why would you respond to me via email, using my inoperative email account? Had I still been without email service, I would not have been able to receive it, nor would I have been able to respond." Funny enough, they never responded to my question. Oh well. . . THE GOOD PARTS . . . Fast forward to one week ago today when the fit really hit the shan. Last Thursday, my hosting company sent me this email: "At approximately 8PM Eastern Standard Time our network engineers discovered a denial of service attack on the server that houses your website. Due to the massive amount of traffic coming into the server we were forced to block access to the IP address of the server housing you website making your site unavailable. Our engineers have changed the IP address that your website responds to in order to make your site available on the Internet. After this DNS update was made, your website was available to most people, although it may take up to 24 hours for all users to see your site while DNS updates around the Internet. " My website never crashed on Thursday and it was fine all day Friday too. However, on Friday night, it was not working, so I called my hosting company and they told me "It'll just be a couple of hours and you will be back online!" So I went to bed, knowing they would take care of everything. Saturday morning my website was still not online. I called again and got the same reply: We're still working on it - just give us a few hours and you'll be good as new." Of course, this weekend was also a big surprise wedding anniversary party for Brian's Dad and Step-mom - Brian's brother had driven up from Missouri and was staying with us, so I wasn't able to stay on top of the whole website issue. On Saturday evening, I checked my website again and it was still not working. I called and got the same old, same old "2 hours, and you'll be fine!" I was getting angry, but I was having a great time with Brian's family, so I didn't stress about it too much. I went to bed and hoped for the best. Sunday was the day of the big party, so I checked my website - which was, of course, not working. I called AGAIN. Left ANOTHER message. Nobody called me back. We went to the party. We had a GREAT time. We came home and I checked my website again - not working. I called my hosting company and I'm FUMING. Of course, their handy-dandy 24 hour tech support is now apparently "leave a message and if you're not too much of a pain in our a$$ we will actually call you back . . ." I left a cranky message telling them they still had not returned my call from earlier, and that if they didn't plan on having my site back online by midnight, they needed to call me so I could find a new hosting company - I'd had it. A few minutes later I signed online and while I was online "Adam" called and left a message on my voice mail. Cheerful, wonderful Adam told me that they had FINALLY solved the problem and that they had moved my site to a brand spankin' new server, taken necessary precautions to ensure this would NEVER happen again, and all I had to do was wait a few hours while the site propagated back to the internet - not only would they be giving me several months of free hosting service, but life was now truly groovy. I sang! I danced! (well, as much as a nearly-six-month-pregnant woman CAN dance). My hosting company had FINALLY come through for me! And I vowed to call Adam back and express my gratitude properly (at a more reasonable hour). I fell asleep that night with that long-lost warm-fuzzy-safe-and-secure feeling that I thought had disappeared months before with the whole bandwidth fiasco. The next morning, (Monday) Brian awoke to the sound of my head exploding when I realized my website was STILL NOT WORKING. I called my hosting company ready to give it to them for all I was worth. A bit of advice for hosting companies: Don't piss off the pregnant. "Waldo" answered the tech support line. I don't like "Waldo" much. He has no customer service skills. I think he was raised in a shoebox with lab rats and earthworms. Me:
This is Heather Piper of VMS, my website has been down since FRIDAY,
and last night Adam called to tell me you folks had solved the problem
and put me on a new server, and that I would be back online by this
morning. I AM NOT ONLINE AND I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT. **** 20 minutes of the crappiest hold music on earth, while Waldo cleans his toenails with a wire coat hanger ***** Waldo:
Yeah, I'm having trouble finding a tech - I gotta put you on hold
again -
I'm jolted awake by a voice on the other end of the phone after being sung to sleep by 20 minutes of Barry Manilow. Gumby:
Hi, Heather. This is Gumby - we know what the problem is with your
website and have been working with law enforcement agencies fro
the US and Europe. Your website was one of ten websites housed on
that particular server - all ten of which we have now been forced
to quarantine while the US and European law enforcement agencies
and the FBI finish their investigations and give me the thumbs up
that it's ok to put your site back online. So
I hop online and take Good Ole Gumby's advice and look up "Denial
of Service Attacks" - I find a great website with tons of information,
and a 24-hour hotline I can call to report a Denial Of Service Attack
on my website. So I call them and I spend a good half hour chatting
with my new friend, Mike. I told him how my website was under investigation
as being the target for a massive hacker's attempt at a denial of
service attack. Mike asked, "So, do you have some sort of offensive
political website or something?" Mike is astounded at the line of dookie Gumby has given me about being "quarantined by law officials" and not being given any phone numbers to call about the investigation. Mike gives me a fax number, and tells me that I can have my hosting company forward all of the attack information to his company and they will be thrilled to investigate it for me. Mike also tells me that if her were me, he would be calling law enforcement agencies AND the FBI to find out who exactly is investigating my case. Because since *I* own my website, I am allowed access to the entire investigation surrounding it! So I hop over to my hosting company's website, send them a groovy-cool web-form email through their system, with all of Mike's info and a detailed message stating that I wish for my case information to be forwarded over to my choice of investigation services, especially since I've been indefinitely quarantined and all - and since THEY can't give me answers, this new company will. And because I am officially a giant thorn in the side of my hosting company, I also call and leave a message on their so-called 24-hour tech support voice mail service (Kind of an oxymoron, eh?), just to cover my bets and make sure SOMEONE gets my requests. Then I (a little too) gleefully went for the big guns. I called the FBI. But before I called the FBI, I left several other voice mail messages at my Hosting Company's so-called 24-hour tech support voice mail service, asking them whether they were working with a the NATIONAL branch of the FBI, or the KENTUCKY branch of the FBI (since the hosting company is located in KY). After about three hours of waiting for an answer, I emailed their tech support staff with the same question - and unfortunately, since they never bothered to respond, I simply took matters into my own hands and decided to call the Kentucky Branch of the FBI. I spoke with the most delightful FBI agent, who asked me to recount my entire story. She gasped and expressed sincere shock when I included details of Gumby's behavior, to which I responded "That was MY reaction too!" She explained: you'll have to forgive me - since today is a national holiday, I'm filling in on the phones, so I don't usually get to deal with this type of case!" (I was thrilled that my "case" was considered exciting and shocking to an FBI agent!) When I finished my story, and told her how Gumby had told me to call the FBI if I wanted answers, she asked me for Gumby's supervisor's name, to which I told her Gumby's line of: "I am as high up in this company as you are going to get." The FBI lady said very calmly, "Oh. We'll just see about that." I really like that FBI lady. She's nice. Finally she asked me what my gut feeling was telling me about this hosting company and Gumby's behavior. So I told her exactly what I thought was happening. "I think that Gumby is PO'd and overtired from working on computers all weekend and he needs a new career path, and he's taking it out on me. I also feel like they sat around wasting a whole lot of time and not getting to the bottom of the problem as quickly as they should have. I also think that Gumby got mad at my phone calls and demands for answers and decided to make me "suffer" just a bit longer. I don't think there is any investigation. I don't believe his story about law enforcement and FBI agents "quarantining" my site because some deranged hacker has decided to focus his Denial of Service attacks on the Very Merry Seamstress or Podunk, USA. Basically, I think he's trying to make up excuses to get me off his case." The FBI lady laughed and told me she agreed with my suspicions, but adds "Don't worry. This is the last time Gumby will offer such bad advice to his clients." One hour later I got the butt-kissing of a lifetime from Gumby, and as much as I should have enjoyed and savored it - it was just NOT good enough for all the damage he and his company had done to me and my business (Remember, I am a costume designer and this is October - the month of Halloween - my busiest month of the year). Gumby:
Heather, I just want to let you know, your site is no longer quarantined.
We found the source of the attack and have dropped them as a customer.
We've also taken steps to prevent this sort of thing from ever happening
again. So Gumby drones on for a bit more. I'm still very angry, but I credit him for having the guts to call me back with an apology. But as I said, far too little, far too late. This is NOT a company who cares about their customers - and I won't ever give them a chance to do this to me again. As I wiped the chapstick from my butt cheeks, I couldn't even force a victorious smile - the whole thing was just so uncalled for. If they had just been honest with me from the beginning - (and kinder to me), I could have made an informed decision about how to proceed. I don't like being lied to, and I don't like be strung along. And I *really* don't like condescending attitudes from arrogant hosting companies. In the meantime, we advance the story to today, when I signed on to my almost-EX hosting company's website to check all my stats, billing, and information for one last time, and I realized that they had pre-charged my credit card for the months of September, October, November and December. I sent a friendly email to my buddy Gumby: Regarding our most recent phone call, where you told me you would be granting me free service until April, I went to my billing page and found out that I've already been billed for September-December. Since you offered free service until April, I would very much like to be reimbursed for the time my website was not working, and for you to credit me for the free months of service you've promised. I don't mind paying a pro-rated fee for September's service. That only seems fair, but I would like to be refunded for October, November and December, as you had told me I would be getting free service for those months. Thank
you, Gumby quickly responded with this email: Heather, I bumped up the next charge date until April, so you will not need to pay until then. Do you not see that ? Apparently Gumby was not understanding my request, so I sent a follow-up to explain it in plain English: Gumby, hi Go to my billing history. Look at the bill dated 9/4/2004 and you will see that I have already been charged for the months of September, October, November and December and the charge HAS gone through on my credit card. I would like to be refunded for those months. It doesn't matter if you bump my next billing date to April - I was already charged for those months on my credit card back in September and I'd like to be credited for them. Notice: Heather Gumby waited a few hours to respond and sent this: Hi Heather, I can't refund but for that period which is why I bumped the charges up until next year. Gumby Now, I had already told Gumby that I was going to find a new hosting company, so what good was free service for NEXT YEAR going to do me? Angry and annoyed, especially since he was telling me he wasn't even going to refund me for service I hadn't even received yet, I sent this final email off: Gumby, hi Consider your company officially fired from hosting my websites. Tell me who I have to call to cancel my account, and I will do so immediately. And for Pete's sake, don't give me a number that is going to put me on hold for another 20 minutes. By the way "leave your name and number and someone will call you back" is NOT 24-hour tech support - another shining example of your company's downhill spiral into the world of shoddy tech support. You're mistaken. You actually ARE able to issue me a refund - you've done it before when you wrongly billed me for bandwidth overages to the tune of over $80. So yes, you CAN issue a refund. You should use the correct terminology and say you simply WON'T issue one. I will be filing a dispute with my credit card company for these charges (I actually just spoke with my credit card company a few minutes ago, and they have informed me that I definitely have grounds to file for a refund and will do so as soon as I give them a go-ahead) I did NOT want to resort to this - I was hoping you would be fair about this and credit me for the pre-billing on my credit card. I guess I'm not surprised that are refusing to do so, especially after your behavior this past weekend. In all the years I have been in business, I have never been so horribly treated by a company to whom I pay a fairly decent amount of money. No customer should ever be treated in such an appalling manner - and then be CHARGED for it. When I first started out with your company several years ago, I was thrilled with the level of customer support and service I was receiving. Your monthly charges were higher than other companies, but I happily stayed with your because of your 24-hour, well-trained, extremely friendly tech support. I don't know what happened over the years, but your company has turned from a well-organized, efficient, fast and friendly one to an utter disaster - doling out incompetent tech support advice, which is often riddled with miscommunications within your company, a horrific lack of quality customer service - rude responses, and downright shoddy hosting service. You would have had a loyal customer for life with me, even with a few outages, but you spit in my face this past weekend. No customer should PAY for that - and I won't. Extremely
disappointed, I hopped on the phone and started the process to file for a chargeback for the full amount I was charged - if Gumby couldn't even issue a pro-rated amount based on service I had yet to receive, I wasn't going to mess around with him any more. The credit card company told me to call the hosting company and "officially" cancel my account with them to avoid any potential problems, so as soon as I got off the phone with them, I called the hosting company - and was disconnected twice - and was on hold for about 15 minutes the final time - and FINALLY got through to a GOOD tech (actually, she is one of my favorites) and asked her simply to cancel my account with them. She asked if it was because of the outage - and I told her no, it was because of the treatment I received and I told the story once again. I also informed her, that regretfully, I was being forced to file a chargeback against them too - which I hadn't wanted to do. She asked me to wait on hold for just one moment, and when she returned, she told me that she had gotten permission from upper management to instantly issue a refund for the amount I was charged - and she apologized profusely - and I told her I wished SHE had been on duty this past weekend. If she had been, and I had spoken with her, I would probably still be one of their clients. Don't get me wrong - this Hosting company has four (maybe even more) of the GREATEST techs I have ever had the pleasure of working with - but the few from this past weekend should simply not be allowed to come in contact with their customers - not until they take about four months of CUSTOMER SERVICE 101 classes from yours truly. In the meantime, I signed up with a new company who took the time to listen to my woeful tale, to which they said of Gumby's quarantine explanation, and I quote, "LAME!" This new company is even offering me incentives to use them - if I refer people to them they will give me CREDIT! Can you imagine??? CREDIT! I don't think my EX hosting company EVER heard of such a thing! It took a few days to make the switch, and for a few hours, you may have seen a slightly older version of my website, but I think we're all switched over now and very happy with the new company. I will gladly recommend them to you - and if you use them, please tell them Heather Piper sent you! Their website is www.mediatemple.net and they are simply phenomenal. Their prices are extremely competitive and affordable and so far their tech support has been flawless - but more importantly, they behave as though they WANT my business. So that's the end of my story. I hope you enjoyed it MUCH more than I did. ;-) Peace, till next |
| Friday,
September 24th, 2004 - Kiss the Kayaking Fool Fast forward to a few days ago, when Brian decided to take his questions to the pond experts and posed this question to a newsgroup: New
pond with kayak-able waterfall?? We're
thinking of putting a pond in, and hope to get some advice. The
area we're looking to put the pond is about 100' x 50' or so. We're
in upstate NY, so it gets pretty cold. How deep do we need to make
the pond to support fish and keep them from dying in the winter?
Any idea on what the cost of a pond this size would be? Any idea how large a pump something like this might require? Would a pump/filter this size have an impact on the fish? Any ideas would be VERY appreciated... Thanks!!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RESPONSE BY Semper: I
must admit, if you are going to dream... DREAM BIG!!! Lunch break is over. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RESPONSE BY Zinniachick: How about a used bilge pump from an oceangoing vessel? That oughta do it. Whoosh! And you could install a warning horn like they have -- aaoooooga! :) I can really get behind this project. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RESPONSE BY Semper: You haven't lived till you reach mach 2 on a ROUGH section of Chattooga IV and all of the sudden your buddy falls out and as you hussle downstream to help him out, you get there just in time to see a water moccasin swim within inches of his head. Your first instinct tells you to use your paddle but then you realize that your "weapon" isn't all that discriminant between the enemy and your friend's noggin'! Yep, it's an experience I would recommend to...well... NO ONE that has all their marbles in place (hey, you people wanna go?!!!). Zinniachick, what the heck are we drinking this evening?!! BTW, make mine a double! :-) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RESPONSE BY Catson: I
checked out some of the specs to the site you mentioned in your
post starter question. I
checked one of my 3 phase motors in my shop and it uses 220 volts
and 23 Amps. Hope you have a good income. But it does sound like a great dream. Happy pondering. Claude -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RESPONSE BY JVW: What an idea. I'm with you too Semp. Your own Second Ledge in your back yard. Or maybe a Nantahala Falls. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RESPONSE BY Zinniachick: Think about it! You don't have to have that falls going like that all the time -- just when you're poised, paddle raised, to glide over the edge. So if you had, say, a submarine bilge pump, the one they can FILL that thing with water in seconds to take it down, then EMPTY it just as fast to surface, why, you'd be good to go! Suck the entire pond to the upper level, then hurl it over the ledge with you and your Dagger Blackwater on the crest. Oh, it works for me. *hic* -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RESPONSE BY Scott: Flashpipe,
seriously, if you really want to tackle a project like this, then
consider talking to an engineer who specializes in water rides.
They should be able to tell you exactly what you need to do to make
this happen. Just do a Google search for "water ride engineers."
You could also do a search for just "water rides" and
see if you come up with any helpful info. I don't think any of us
could really help you much with your idea. We are not use to anything
of that magnitute and that includes me and my mega plans. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RESPONSE BY Brian: WOW!!
Great feedback...it's sounding less and less feasible (at least
for my budget)...although I kind of like the idea of filling a secondary
pool and then releasing it for a waterfall...I wonder what it might
take to create a playhole and if that would be more reasonable than
a waterfall... My neighbor just filled his 1-acre pond to put in a par 3 golf course...I'm just trying to keep up with the Jones'. Ah, we can all dream... Thanks for the ideas, and I'd love to hear any others! I'll post back up when we figure out what we're doing... Thanks again!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RESPONSE BY Scott: Flashpipe,
keeping up with the Jones's means that your checking account keeps
up with theirs. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RESPONSE BY Semper: flashpipe
wrote: (Doing
my best Will Smith - Men in Black impression) The beauty of this setup is that it can cater to whitewater enthusiasts, weekend warriors, and city slickers alike. Just turn a ball valve and you can go from class IV rapids to Class II fun without leaving your backyard. Plus don't forget all the royalties and proceeds from the "I survived WW IV" T-shirts, waders, hats, buttons, etc.... I've got one word for you: CHA-CHING! Or is that 2 words?? Hmmmm... *HIC* But I digress... In conclusion, you have our utmost financial, intellectual, moral support throughout this project. So don't dilly dally and let's get started. Keep us updated on your progress and don't forget them VIP (Very Intoxicated Ponders?) invitations. *HIC* HEY, Garçon!!! I'm empty here... Garçon!!! Geez those French! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RESPONSE BY Poppa: Okay FlashPipe... You've a few things to learn. The first lesson is: If you're just trying to keep up with the Jonses, then you have already lost the game. The joneses are always going to look at you as a catch up, and while you are struggling to keep up, they're going to be working on their next move to put you back in your place. What you need to do then, is to OUT DO the jonses by several orders of magnitude. Look, if you're worried about the cost, you can hang this up already. You are sounding like you are probably in your sixties, planning on this little kayak slide of yours. What you need is a full sized slalom course where you can challenge your neighbors and beat the pants off them. Maybe you can't use it every day, but two or three times a year you can release water from your upper lake for a few hours of real fun!...
Much more sensible to get an inflatable orca complete with cup holders and just spend your time lounging in the sun. At least with a beer in your hand your gonna look like a real man. ok, so you are determined to show joe golfer up. Here's something to consider. A catapault! Set it up in the front yard so you can launch yourself OVER THE HOUSE and into the pond. Now that's impressive, and if your neighbor sees you drop your beer in mid-flight, at least he's going to acknowledge that that was probably a sensible thing for you to do at the moment. Poppa Jones -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RESPONSE BY Zinniachick: "At
least with a beer in your hand your gonna look like a real man."
Ahhh hahahaaaa! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RESPONSE BY Brian: WOW!!!
Now things are getting interesting...the catapult thing would be
PERFECT, especially since my other neighbor finished his industrial
potato launcher earlier this summer. It's hooked up to his air compressor,
and launches these concrete pucks that he made more than 1/4 mile...This'll
show him!! Thanks!!! Comment
from the amused wifey: I guess it's a bit of a comfort to know there
are people out there who are *more* insane than my adorable hubby
is. Peace, till next |
| Thursday,
September 23rd, 2004 - New ER tonight! Skye is off to get some doggie vaccinations and a shiny nhew bling bling for his collar (rabies and license tags) this morning, so I'll have to make this journal entry fairly quick. Brian and his Dad gutted our bedroom and bathroom last night! Our bed is now in the living room, so it's kind of like we're camping out for the next week or so! Things are squished and cramped, which drives me batty (I like big spaces), but I can deal with it for a little while without developing too much of a nervous tic. Here are some befores and afters:
Next, Brian's putting in electric stuff, insulation and then my brothers-in-law (and sisters) will come over on Saturday to start framing and sheet-rocking. We have a new toilet, sink and shower to install, and we're HOPING to be done by next weekend. And this funny little gem I received in my email box this morning - for people over thirty - it's amazing we're still alive: Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets ... and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. As children, we would ride in cars with no seatbelts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times , we learned to solve the problem. We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on or the sun went down. We played kick the can with a sharp-edged can. No one was able to reach us all day because we had no cell phones. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, surround sound, personal cell phones, personal computers , or Internet chat rooms . We
fell out of trees , got cut and broke bones and teeth We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms , and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes , nor did the worms live inside us forever. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door , or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them. Peace, till next |
| Wednesday,
September 22nd, 2004 - movie time! Time to spill the beans - I'm awful at keeping secrets anyway! The Piper baby is a GIRL! We're going to name her Elizabeth Michelle, and everyone will call her Queen Elizabeth. On a side note, Elizabeth is pretty spirited. She's constantly wriggling around in there. And my belly itches all the time. <scratch, scratch> Our new riding lawn mower arrived this morning and Brian couldn't be more proud. He is now the owner of a macho-motorized lawn TRACTOR. I'm sure there will be a man-gathering on our lawn sometime over the next few days while the guys on our block come over to check out the new goods. A few months back, our neighbor Mike loaned Brian his backhoe to remove a stump from our front yard. We were doing some serious cleaning out of bramble, which had all but taken over our yard, so the back hoed stump was only a small piece of the yard-makeover puzzle. Brian was thrilled. He emailed all of his boys to tell him about the monstrous piece of equipment decorating our front lawn. Imagine my pleasure when all of Brian's boys called me on the second day of backhoe-heaven and announced they'd be coming over to help me haul bramble and branches later that evening! I was thrilled - hauling branches is no fun by yourself, and with a half dozen manly-men, the job would be finished in a matter of a few hours! Brrrrumble-dee-rumble-de-putt-put-vroom-vroom was the noise that ruined me. Brian fired up the beast and it was as though some sort of ancient macho-sonar kicked in. The boys were drawn like zombies to the deep rumbling noise. Within five minutes I was hauling bramble by myself again, and a small ritualistic gathering of men had formed a worship-circle around the dozer. For four hours they stood motionless, watching Brian work, mesmerized - drooling. I finally took a break to see what the fuss was about and every man within a two-mile radius had gathered on my front lawn, beer in hand, to watch this amazing miracle machine. What they saw: a smooth, glistening metal ballet dance, man and machine as one, combined - working together toward yardly perfection - a perfect union. Godly. MANLY, the power to CONQUER! TO DESTROY! TO FEEL LIKE A SUPERHERO! AHAHAHAHA! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM MACHINE-MAN!!!!!!!!!!!! What I saw: A greasy, dirty yellow piece of noisy machinery moving dirt from one spot to another and a crapload of drooling testosterone-overloaded men who WERE NOT HELPING ME ANYMORE!!!! So, the Briguy is moving up in the world of heavy equipment ownership. He's got the lawn tractor (it's not a MOWER, ladies, it's a TRACTOR) and now he feels ready for a dozer . . . or a backhoe . . . or he would even settle for a four wheeler. "They'd be for work, not play, ya know," he says. Yeah, sure. Peace, till next |
| Friday,
September 17th, 2004 - It's a wiggle baby! Brian is transferring the video of the ultrasound and I'll have that up and running in a few days for you all to see. The baby was VERY wiggly during the whole procedure. No big surprise there! The due date is still the same - February 15th. This weekend Brian is helping friend Keith with some roofing issues, and tonight we're going to the George Eastman House for a preview opening to a new exhibit. Brian was invited tonight because he recently completed a 3-D animation project for this exhibition (very new and impressive technology). So we'll get to see it in action tonight. Plus, I'll get to see the George Eastman house for the first time (I hear it's gorgeous). Next weekend we're ripping apart walls and remodeling our bedroom and bathroom - BIG stuff. In the meantime, I'm slowly catching up on my own home projects - I'm hoping to finish fucco-ing the living room this weekend. I'll hang some more artwork, and then the living room will finally be FINISHED. Once that's done, I'm off to fucco the upstairs front room and paint the new floors Brian has installed. (we're doing cool stained wood checkerboard and wide white/blue stripes to make it kind of a "play" room. Brian inherited a foosball table, and his computer will be up there - plus my drawing table and art supplies (expect new artwork and patterns from me soon!) Once we're done with the fun room, I'll be finishing the walls in what is now a storage area, and Brian will add shelving units for fabric bolts, and tables for my gazillion machines (three sewing machines and an industrial machine, two sergers and an embroidery machine!) and a big cutting table. Then we'll have a spare bedroom and the baby's room. At that point, we'll be done with all the home renovations until we start replacing the rest of the windows in the house - and when we do that, we plan to take out the upstairs ceiling all the way to the roof peak for some big, open spaces. Brian and baby can swing from ropes from room to room. BIG long-term plans include a garage with a shop for Brian's tools and an in-law apartment upstairs. And we can't forget Brian's wave pond. No, we can't. OK, all these big dreams have made me remember they cost big money, so I'm back to work! ;-) Peace, till next |
| Monday,
September 17th, 2004 We broke down and bought a riding lawn mower. Sears had them on sale, so we picked a mighty purty one and with any luck, it'll be here by this weekend. We decided to Hell with the yard until then. It takes over four hours to mow it now with the push mower, so we'll save it up and break the new machine in properly. On Wednesday, we will be going in for our 18-week ultrasound and with any luck we'll find out if we've got a boy Piper or a girl Piper! We're stuck on names though. Our neighbors have offered to help in the naming process - we have lots of super nice neighbors, but the ones we're closest to are Jim and Bernadette, Guye and Cathy and Mike and Donna. We had a message on our machine the other night from Guye: "So, I hear you're having trouble coming up with a name! Well, I've got SIX of them for you! If it's a boy: Guye, Jim or Mike! If it's a girl, Cathy, Bernadette or Donna!" Yesterday I was sewing steadily away (it's busy season, which means a lot of nights and weekends of sewing) and Brian was busy putting down new flooring in the upstairs front room, when I heard a riding lawn mower in our yard. Now, I knew Sears wasn't making an early delivery, so I squawked at Brian to see what was up. Our neighbor Jim was be-bopping around our lawn, mowing it for us. I heard Brian telling him he didn't have to - that we were getting a new mower this week. Jim told him, "Bah! I'm already here. Might as well get it ready for the new mower!" So he continued to mow. . . A few minutes later I heard the mwahhhputputputmwahhhhh of ANOTHER mower. . . and then ANOTHER mower! Cathy had driven over with her riding mower, and her son had followed her over with a third! Brian went out with icy cold sodas, thanked everyone profusely, and told them all that they really didn't have to mow our lawn. Cathy laughed and answered: "Guye sent me over here. He said we can't be letting Jim win the 'naming game,' so I had to double-up and score a few extra points. We can't let Jim do better than us!" Later, after they had finished mowing, Jim and Bernadette came back again with roasty toasty hot home-grilled slow-roasted ribs and a big eclair cake for us. (Best ribs I've ever had, and the cake was pretty darn good too). We really do have the *greatest* neighbors on earth. And now on to the pictures! The other morning, before Ethan's birthday party, I looked out into our yard and saw our usually NORMAL horseradish bush in an entirely new light. Literally. (click for a bigger shot)
What do you think it means? Does this mean we have special horseradish? Do we have Divine Horseradish? Should I put up a fence around it so that Skye will stop crapping on it? Will people make pilgrimages to see our special horseradish? Only time will tell . . . After Ethan's birthday party, we went to my favorite hidden beach on Lake Ontario. I tried snapping a panoramic shot so you could all see just how massive Lake Ontario is. On one side of the shot is my bro-in-law, Gary, and on the other side is his wife (my sister), Shannon. (Click on it for a bigger picture)
And of course, what journal/picture session would be complete without a happy, smiley shot of my hunk-o-riffic hubby?
Peace, till next |
| Friday,
September 3rd, 2004 - TGIF again! Brian and I came up with a brilliant idea for a Halloween party this year. We're going to build a bonfire, and have everyone show up with lawn chairs and blankets, and we're going to get a big screen and show scary movies under the stars. If it's raining, all bets are off. But we kinda like the idea of having our own drive-in/walk-in/sit-in scary movie festival. Survivor
starts up in just a few weeks - September 16 - mark your calendars!
Brian isn't going to send in his audition tape until after the baby
is born. We don't want to be stuck in a situation where he has to
make a choice between being in the delivery room, OR being on Survivor.
My doctor keeps changing my due date, and according to him, I will be at 17 weeks next week. *I* say that means I am starting my fifth month. Brian says I can't claim five months until I *finish* the full four weeks of the fifth month. However, since I'm doing all the work on growing this critter, I think that I get to make the rules. So, starting next week, I will be in WEEK ONE of MONTH FIVE, and for four whole weeks, I get to be in my fifth month. Tonight is date night, and Brian and I are going to see the new Ben Kingsley movie. We were told it was REALLY good, so we're hoping we're going to break out of our bad movie rut. (Not that I care - as long as I have popcorn, I'm a happy camper.) I had a dream a few nights ago that I was cast in the next winter play as a nine-month pregnant Tinkerbell and had to squeeze into one of those itty bitty green Tink costumes. I was flown out over the audience. I looked like a bloated booger being flicked through the air, out over the crowd. For those who missed my Halloween ordering deadline, I am hoping to complete a handful of sample gowns before Spooky Day. When finished, I will list them in my ready to wear section as available items. Keep an eye out - I'm making one elaborate Gothic Elizabethan with a few clever "twists." I've also got a LOT of velvet to use up, so expect some courtly beauties in a rainbow of colors! Peace, till next |
| Thursday,
September 2nd, 2004 - Baby's cruisin' along! This is GREAT news for me, because I've had to "take it easy" for the past four months (which I don't do well). Now I have permission to take walks and do a bit of exercise. :-) Happy me! I'm almost five months along, and I've gained ten pounds. Doc says that's good - I should expect to gain between 25-30 pounds before the whole thing is over. In two weeks we will have the 18-week ultrasound and will hopefully find out if we're having a boy or a girl. Tomorrow is "date night" and Brian, my favorite soon-to-be-daddy, is taking me out to the movies. This weekend Brian and Co. will be leveling our floors. This is going to involve placing new poles in our obstacle-course basement. Tonight he is planning to rip out a bunch of ductwork to prepare for the floor-leveling project. I will be fabric & supplies shopping all day - so I will regretfully miss out on all the fun. A cheerful good luck to our neighbor, Ethan, who has been packing up his belongings and making trips to his new apartment over near the college. Ethan is returning as a sophomore this year. Congrats to you, Ethan - enjoy the new place!! Peace, till next |
| Wednesday,
September 1st, 2004 - Eat this! I am a lousy cook because: A)
I don't pay enough attention to what I'm doing. Normally creativity works for me - but when it comes to matters of the kitchen, I lose all judgement (and taste) and it rarely works in my favor. A)
PAY ATTENTION: Directions: Mix pudding, dump into pie crust, cover with whipped topping. However, if you pay attention, you should notice that the pie crust has an almost invisible CLEAR PLASTIC COVER over it. If you remove it BEFORE you fill it with chocolate pudding, it tastes much better, and you won't break your teeth off on the plastic. Also, if you make the pie the night before Thanksgiving, DO NOT SQUIRT THE WHIPPED TOPPING ONTO THE PIE UNTIL JUST BEFORE SERVING. Otherwise you will wind up with pudding soup with a white watery substance floating on top. B)
USE CAUTION WHEN EXPERIMENTING Note: Just because you read on the internet that peppercorns are a GREAT food for fighting off colds and other viruses, don't assume that "the more the merrier." A whole box of peppercorns should last a long time - like a LIFETIME. Very spicy, and very cleansing. C)
SUBSTITUTE INGREDIENTS WISELY Peanut
butter instead of beef Now, last night my substitutions *finally* worked in my favor! I wanted to make a simple dish of scalloped potatoes and ham. Easy enough, right? Well, we were out of a few key ingredients: Milk and flour. However, I'll have you know that you CAN make a decent batch of scalloped potatoes and ham without those two ingredients - all you need is about an extra 2 sticks of butter and Krusteaz buttermilk pancake mix! Voila! You've got creamy scalloped potatoes and ham without having to get off your lazy bottom and go to the store for milk and flour! I'm all for that. Of course, you'll die from clogged arteries within 10 minutes of eating it . . . But that's the risk you take when substituting. I consider myself somewhat of a culinary pioneer - Like Christopher Columbus, Emeril and Ron Popiel all mixed together. Anyway - I digress. Or digest. Or something like that. So the next time you're feeling adventurous, remember: REMEMBER: Peace, till next |
