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May 01, 2008

Closing until May 15

As you may have noticed, I'm closing up shop on Friday the 2nd for some much-needed R & R, to focus on my final exams for my classes, and hopefully to do some much-needed website work, too. I'll be re-opening on May 15.

If you wish to email us or place an order, please feel free to do so, but note that we will not be able to respond to emails or process orders until we re-open on May 15. That said, obviously we will not be able to fill any rush orders that are needed before May 15.

Those orders scheduled for construction for this week will be shipped tomorrow. If you have any problems, as always, please email me and I will take care of everything as soon as I re-open on the 15th.

Have a great weekend, week and weekend, everyone! We'll see you mid-May!

April 30, 2008

Women over 40

My mother sent me this gem via email. Those who know me casually may be aware of the fact that I will be turning 29 this year. Those who know me well probably know that I lie about my age. And if you know me VERY well, that is, well enough to know my real age, then you better buy me a few margaritas this year. I think I deserve one or two or 40.

Why Older Chicks Rule, by Andy Rooney from CBS "60 Minutes".

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.

A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a hoot what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 40 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. They always know.

A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free", here's an update for you. Now 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage.

April 24, 2008

Dooce Envy

As many of you know I religiously read the blog Dooce. I wear a tee-shirt with the DOOCE logo plastered across my curve-challenged chest. I've sent links to family and friends, urging them to read her posts. Sometimes her posts are so funny I pee a little from laughing too hard, and I can relate to all of her parenting stories, including the ones that involve the furry 'kids.'

Recently she posted some lovely photos of little plastic animals from her daughter's toy box. (she's a talented photographer, in addition to all of the other mad skillz she possesses). The photos are works of art, without a doubt, and she's planning to sell them as prints. Here are a few examples:
Mr. and Mrs. Giraffe
Mr. and Mrs. Panda Bear
Mr. and Mrs. Zebra

People, color me fuschia with envy. I have a hard enough time keeping the toys in this house clean. Most of them are covered with some sort of sticky, pink substance - or worse. It's impossible to keep sets of toys together, much less a whole ark of animals. Last week I pulled 9 Polly Pocket shoes from a variety of absurd locations. I'm absolutely certain that Polly Pocket shoes do NOT belong in the toaster OR at the bottom of Adam's sippy cup OR wound up, hidden in a roll of toilet paper.

But the thing that amazes me most about these pictures is the fact that our dear Dooce has not one, but two canine chew factories. And one of them is the same flavor as our special guy, Mr. Skye McTurdypants. Yet, here she has clean, matching, never-been-chewed toys in her house.

Here at The House of Piper, we don't roll that way, but oh, how I wish we did. This. THIS is what all of the cute little animals in our house look like:
Tragic Victim

And when I say ALL the cute little animals in our house, I am referring to all the cute little animals that aren't stuck to the wall from that unidentifiable, sticky pink residue, or shoved in the toes of my winter boots. . .

Where I won't find them again until next year. . .

When I hastily shove my foot in them while trying to usher Skye out the door because he is exploding poop from eating too many plastic toys. . .

That, my friends, is the real, no bullshit, anti-Disney Circle of Life.

Picture Pages, Picture Pages

It's been a while since Brian went through the camera. Last night, as he moaned about having to transfer over 600 images from the camera to the computer, I noted, "Remember the good old days when we used to pay people to process our pictures for us?"

Here you have it, folks. Three months worth of glorious munchkin cuteness.

amay01.jpg
There's nobody in this orange fabric bucket. Nobody at all. YOU CAN NOT SEE ME. STEP AWAY FROM THE ORANGE BUCKET.

amay03.jpg
Can you believe this was just less than a month ago?

amay04.jpg
If you think I'm sexy, just reach out and touch me. Come on, sugar, let me know.

amay05.jpg
The Polly Pocket Princess Lunch Jury is still in session.

amay06.jpg
I totally taught her how to do this. A few seconds later, as she pulled it from her nostrils and observed the giant green booger stuck to it, I thought, "Huh. Maybe this was a Bad Idea." Then she wiped the booger on my shirt and any previous doubt as to the overall goodness of the idea was erased.

amay09.jpg
Can you find the Angry Monkey in this picture?

amay12.jpg
I DON'T KNOW ANY WORDS OTHER THAN 'MEOW,' BUT THAT! THAT! THAT OVER THERE! IS REALLY FREAKING IMPORTANT!

April 23, 2008

Googl-ary

I have come to the conlusion that the standard American dictionary has been replaced by Google.

"Ma, what does 'Floccinaucinihilipilification' mean?"

"Look it up!"

And instead of looking it up in the Dictionary, the kid Googles 'Floccinaucinihilipilification'

*Please note that in order to write this blog entry, I Googled "weirdest word" and came up with 'Floccinaucinihilipilification.'