Hi, Credit Card People!
I know you don't care why my payment is late, but I lost your bill while I was moving to my new house, and only just found it in with the oatmeal and raisin bran boxes this morning. To make up for it, here's a personal-sized package of cinnamon crispies for you to enjoy. I'm also sending you all the dried out soap slivers from my shower and the 14 bottle caps my cat shoved under the dresser.
Please excuse the fifteen pounds of tape I used. The envelope wasn't quite big enough for the cinnamon crispies, the other gifts from me AND the eighty-kabillion pages of extra crap you send with my bill each month, which I am now going to start returning to you.
No, I don't want the Super Ginsu III blades.
No, I don't want kitty cat mailing labels.
No, I don't want the vinyl-deluxe luggage set
No, I don't want you to add them all to my credit card bill.
So, from now on, I will send you all the garbage from my house with my payment each month. I hope you don't mind. I'm tired of having to pay to dispose of your garbage, so maybe you can take care of mine for a while.
Yes? Deal?
Your friend ,
Heather
Peace, till next.