I have discovered a cure for constipation.
First, make a big batch of homemade French onion soup - go heavy on the butter, worcestershire sauce and onions** and eat two big bowls of it with melty mozzarella on top. Wait two hours. Constipation will be cured.
NOTE OF CAUTION: Do not go to the Big M for groceries in the meantime. You will find yourself standing in the checkout line praying for speedy approval of your debit card, knowing that if you can't either
A) sit down and staple your butt cheeks together
B) get to a toilet (preferably one with sound-proofed walls)
within the next 15 seconds, you will be in serious trouble. People will point at you and make the "ewww" face.
**works exceptionally well if your intestines are known to sometimes violently reject onions.
Peace, till next