The Stitch

Yesterday was hot and sticky, and under normal circumstances, I'd be a little bit whiny, but we're not going through normal circumstances, are we?

I foolishly made chicken and biscuits which got the kitchen up to a nice degree of pore-clogging-passionate, then I loafed around waiting for that uncomfortable feeling to pass. It didn't, so I started leafing through two magazines - one dealing with newborns and the other dealing with pregnancy. I've never read magazines like these before, and after flipping through just a few pages, I found myself adequately annoyed.

I'm about to be a first-time mom, and as many new moms will agree, we have TONS of insecurities to deal with. We don't need these magazines giving us MORE of them - and after flipping through the pages, I concluded that they want us to feel inadquate and they think we are completely stupid. They seem to think that we lose half of our brain cells the moment we conceive.

First, the annoyingly obvious. There are no realistically pregnant women within the pages of these magazines. The women all have nine-month bellies and weigh 84 lbs.

I'm only three months along and it looks like I'm having twins. One baby will come from my belly, and the other will hatch from my ever-expanding ass. None of the women in these magazines have this problem. And I seriously doubt I am the only woman who looks like she swallowed a watermelon only to have it settle comfortably on her buttocks and hips.

These women are all pictured wearing tight sweaters over their perky breasts and perfectly rounded bellies. The women strategically wind their hands around their tummies to say "Look ma, no fat." Most of them have their pretty bellies exposed. They are all smiling.

Are they dealing with morning sickness? Mind-numbing flatulence? Constant hunger? Are they thinking about that Big Mac, two cheeseburgers and three large fries they just devoured because it was the ONLY thing they could bear to eat?

*sigh*

One catalog sported six pages of baby fashion and said, "Here's what you'll need to see baby through the first few months in style."

As I leave the hospital, will my biggest concern be about whether or not my baby's clothes are fashionable? Maybe some of the more experienced moms out there can help me with that one - because going on what I remember of Erin bringing Ethan home - the kid was covering himself with puke every six minutes. Will it really matter if the clothing is fashionable if it's covered with baby vomit?

Stupid phrases like "Your "breast" friend" fill the pages of these magazines. I rolled my eyeballs enthusiastically at every page turn. I showed the pages to Brian, who instantly noticed all the bare-breast nursing ads and asked aloud "Why didn't I know about these magazines before?"

But the pages that really make me angry are the ones filled with ads that use fear to convince you that you will either be a hero of the human race (by using their services) or a complete failure (if you don't use their services).

The cord blood folks are true fear predators- After reading their ads, I guiltily felt I should spend my unearned baby's college education money to store his/her umbilical cord blood. The ads prey on expecting mothers' fears. What mom-to-be doesn't worry about the health of her unborn child? I think this is a horrible method of advertising.

I hadn't even thought about cord blood until I read these magazines, but they say things in big bold letters: THE LIFELINE YOUR UNBORN BABY NEEDS TODAY MAY ALSO BE THE LIFELINE A FAMILY MEMBER NEEDS TOMORROW!

or CAPTURE THE MOMENT, IT MAY SAVE YOUR BABY'S LIFE: because unless it's captured in the first five minutes of life, it's gone forever.

WHY TRUST YOUR BABY'S CORD BOOD WITH ANYONE ELSE? Make the right choice - call us today.

LIFE PRESENTS SOME DECISIONS ONLY ONCE: Your choice can and often does affect your future and your family's. AN IMPORTANT DECISION!

"Just throw it in a baggie and put it in the freezer if you're that worried about it," Erin said.

Based on my research, The initial fee will range from $900 to $2100 depending on the predetermined extended periods. Annual storage fees beyond the initial storage fee are approximately $100.

Which means that this type of service will simply not be an option for most low-medium income families. So cord storage companies - lay off the guilt trips, please. We moms have enough to worry about without you telling us how horrible we are for not being able to afford your services. However, we do have options. Since I can't afford to store it, (and I dount Erin's freezer trick will work), I will see if I can donate mine. (And anyone else who wants to, can read more about it here.)

For those who are feeling guilty (like I was) about the ads, here's something I found from the National Marrow Donor Program:

Families may feel a great deal of pressure from the promotions and advertisements they receive from the for-profit private storage cord blood banks. The NMDP agrees with the policy statement of The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) issued in 1999:

AAP's second recommendation follows:
"Given the difficulty of making an accurate estimate of the need for autologous [donation from self] transplantation and the ready availability of allogeneic [donation from sibling or unrelated person] transplantation, private storage of cord blood as "biological insurance" is unwise. However, banking should be considered if there is a family member with a current or potential need to undergo a stem cell transplantation."

So, basically, if you have another child or a family member with leukemia (or other disease which may be treated with cord blood), talk to your doctor about it. Otheriwse, consider donating it. But no matter what, don't let these fools make you feel guilty about ANYTHING. We're dealing with weight gain, bad hair days, bad body days, hot weather, cold feet, bloat, gas, cravings, vomiting, insanity and total memory loss - that's enough, wouldn't you say?

Oh, and put some realistically pregnant women in your magazines too. I'll be happy to pose - with my belly and my butt. And then we'll ALL feel better about our own realistically pregnant bodies. ;-)

Peace, 'til next