I was admitted to the hospital and my darling, handsome husband arrived shortly thereafter. He arrived a strapping young beer-consuming, tool-obsessed, Home Depot-lovin' guy's guy, and sometime during our hospital stay, the body snatchers arrived and replaced him with a formula-mixin', diaper-changin', Babies R Us-shopping maniac.
I first noticed this NEW Brian on our first night home. My husband is normally the least prone to panic of anyone I know. In fact, I have *never* seen this man with ruffled feathers, and I've seen him in plenty of situations where any normal person would have died a thousand times over from panic. Brian is always calm, cool and collected. Or at least he used to be, before the body snatchers stole him from me.
Day one home from the hospital: Daylight hours progressed without incident. We had been attempting to breast feed, but since my milk had not come in, we were supplementing with one ounce of formula at each feeding. We settled in for a long three-hour sleep, and were awakened by loud, frantic screaming from our fair child.
We both sprang up from sound sleeping patterns and started fumbling around for light. Once the room was illuminated, we both soared into freak-out mode.
Me: BRIAN! She's got puke all over her! (We now know the difference between puke and spit up)
Elizabeth: SCREAM, SCREAM, SCREAM
Bri: OMG! OMG! Where's the sucky?!?! WHERE IS THE SUCKY?!?!?! HEATHER!!! I CAN'T FIND THE SUCKY THING!!!
Me: Baby! Calm down! It's in the medicine cabi-
Bri: IT'S NOT IN THE MEDICINE CABINET! WHERE IS THE SUCKY THING?!?!?!
Elizabeth: SCREAM, SCREAM, SCREAM
Me: BRIAN! RELAX! It's in the cabinet over the toilet!
Bri: GOT IT!!!
note: I had six feet and three inches of stark naked, cold and shivering Daddy-man running around before me.
Brian dashed to the phone and called the hospital to make sure little Elizabeth wasn't going to die from spitting up. The nurse seemed only slightly annoyed by our stupidity.
"Ummm, babies do spit up." she said. "It's quite normal."
We managed to suck all the ickies out of Elizabeth's nostrils and mouth, She was quite content and fell back asleep almost instantly. Brian and I stayed awake for the next six hours, our bodies wired with adrenaline, to make sure she was breathing ok and that we hadn't completely failed our firstborn on DAY ONE of home life. From that day on, we have made little E sleep in an almost upright position.
The next day my body-snatched husband went shopping. He spent over $200 at Babies R Us and purchased the entire Preemie clothing section , including the most adorable "I love my Daddy" jumper. Then he went to Walmart and bought a "Dad" bathrobe, fuzzy slippers, and then the clincher.
When my husband came home with a fuzzy toilet seat cover and matching towels, I knew that he had been replaced with a body-snatched, pod-hatched clone.
Note that I am NOT complaining. I like my new Domestic Goddess Husband! I like the thought of NOT having to shop for new towels and matching bathroom accessories. I really hate doing those tasks, and now Brian seems content in handling the finishing touches of our household decorating needs!! (And damn, if everything he bought didn't match our bathroom PERFECTLY!)
On Friday, Brian received word that he was being laid off from his job. At first I was a little bit hysterical (Okay, I was a LOTTA bit hysterical, which I attribute to a cyclone of post-pregnancy hormones) but then after we thought about it, we realized what an absolute gift this is.
Brian can stay home with me and E-Beth for a while and collect unemployment until he lands the perfect job! Even in the past few days, he's already received several job offers and freelance opportunities, so we're not going to starve.
How many new fathers ever have a chance to spend the first few weeks/months of their firstborn's life with them, uninterrupted, and getting to know them like this? Not many. Like I said, this is a gift. And we're rather happy about it.
Here's a shot of Brian enjoying his first day of being a non-productive member of society:
On the first day of unemployment, Brian came into the living room wearing a spiffy new grey sweat suit and announced, "Get used to this look, baby!"
On the second day of unemployment, Brian and Skye went jogging and Brian wore his spiffy, almost-new sweatsuit. He did a lot of sweating.
On the third day of unemployment, Brian's spiffy sweatsuit was covered with sweat, spit-up and was smelling a bit funky. "Think I should shower?" he asked. I gave him a quiet, smiley nod and while he was in the shower, I stole his sweatsuit.
So, we're all home, happy, healthy and smelling fresh and clean. Elizabeth got a bath today too, and her belly button fell off yesterday! Life doesn't get much better than this. ;-)
. . . . except when I sneeze - it hurts to sneeze. . . .
Peace, till next