The Stitch

They're both so adorable I could eat them right up.

Popcorn is one of my very most favorite foods in the world. I don't like that fake microwave popcorn too much, so I make my buttery bowlfuls from scratch. As a kid, my Dad taught me how to make the perfect pan of popcorn from scratch - you need a big old pan, a bit of coconut oil in the bottom, just enough corn to cover the bottom of the pan, two potholders and a wooden spoon.

Turn up the heat and get the oil all sizzly, pour in the corn, stir constantly - don't stop! - wait for a few kernels to popopopop, cover quickly, and start the shakydance. Never stop shaking.

Never.

Keep shaking until the popping starts to slow a bit, remove from the heat, KEEP SHAKING - and wait for the popopopopopping to stop completely. Once it has stopped, lift the cover and let the steam out, dump into a bowl, salt, pour your big glass of orange juice, and dive in.

Perfect corn EVERY time. I have never burned a single batch of corn in my life, thanks to Dad's teachings.

Anyhoo, here's my new recipe for homemade popcorn:

HOW TO MAKE POPCORN FROM SCRATCH WITH A NEWBORN IN THE HOUSE:

Rock baby to sleep. Carefully move her to the room furthest from the kitchen, so as not to wake her from enthusiastic popcorn shakydancing noises.

Tiptoe back to the kitchen and look for the popping pan.

See that the sink is filled with dirty dishes - including the popcorn pan - because the only thing you have time or energy to clean has nipples.

Debate with yourself: Which is more work: Washing the popcorn pan or digging through the disaster of a cupboard for another pan.

Peek into dirty pan and see encrusted sauerkraut

Open cupboard and eleventeenthousand pounds of tupperware falls out.

Close cupboard door quickly, pray that the sleeping baby hasn't been disturbed by the tupperware avalanche

Shut off kitchen light and go to bed. Popcorn is overrated anyway.

Peace, till next

For my baby shower, my sister Erin gave me a very special gift and explained, "It's all about poop, my friend." I unwrapped a huge pile of excrement-related items and thanked her kindly. At the time I didn't understand what she meant.

I now understand. As Erin later explained, "Once you have this child, you will be utterly amazed at how you will obsess over her daily bowel movements."

Oh, how true. For the first two weeks we kept a highly detailed daily journal of the number of bowel movements E-Beth had, and the number of wet diapers we changed. After about three weeks, when we realized that her inner workings were fairly reliable, we stopped tracking them.

Erin's gift included a diaper warmer (you'd be amazed at the difference a COLD wipe and WARM wipe makes when it comes to crying), many, many diapers, many, many wipes, much Desitin, and our favorite - a Diaper Genie and Diaper Genie accessories.

For those who don't know what a Diaper Genie is, it's a poop-concealing miracle. You take the stinky diapers, stuff them into this heavily-lidded contraption, twist a fancy dial and magically seal off the diaper and all related stench. After the Diaper Genie has been filled to capacity, you do a few more twists of the dial, and open the bottom. Out comes a strand of sausage-linked twisted, sealed and wrapped diapers.

Voila. Pure Magic and eternally stench-free, and we never have a dog digging in our trash or dragging nasty diapers throughout the house. We love the Diaper Genie.

Haiku for the Diaper Genie

stinkified crap ball
close the lid and smell no more
no dog treats in here

Peace, till next