The Stitch

----- Original Message -----
From: info@verymerryseamstress.com
To: Roger, the eBayer

Dear Roger:

Do any of the antique magazines you're selling have pattern supplements?

Heather

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Roger's response:

----- Original Message -----
From: Roger
To: info@verymerryseamstress.com

I dont know dont have the time to look

Roger

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Surely, since Roger's auction has absolutely no bids, and since he's listing it on eBay, I assume he must actually WANT a bid, I pen a simple response, hoping he'll humor me and just take a peek:

----- Original Message -----
From: info@verymerryseamstress.com
To: Roger

Could you just take five minutes to look in the table of contents to see?

Thanks!
Heather

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Roger's response:

----- Original Message -----
From: Roger
To: info@verymerryseamstress.com

5 minutes it would take a hour to go through every page listing every issue every flaw then dont bid I dont care I cant waste $50 worth of time when 90 percent of the time the bidder doesnt bid anyways go fly a kite, what do you want blood for 9.99 Im sick and tired of jerk offs that want me to kiss there rear to be a item.
_________________

A bit put off that he's calling me a "jerk off," I respond:

----- Original Message -----
From: info@verymerryseamstress.com
To: Roger

I didn't want to know about flaws. And I didn't need you to go through every page. I just wanted to know if any pattern supplements were in them - which could be found in a table of contents. Five minutes, tops.

I have over 600 feedbacks with no negatives. I pay within seconds of winning every auction.

Your customer service is appalling.

I don't want the item anymore.

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And from Roger:

----- Original Message -----
From: Roger
To: info@verymerryseamstress.com

LOOK YOU MORON I HAVE 15000 ITEMS ON EBAY AND SOME TIMES DONT HAVE THE TIME TO GET TO SOME QUESTIONS I WORK MINIMUM 18 HOURS A DAY ON HERE, AT LEAST I DIDNT DELETE YOUR EMAIL AND TRIED TO ANSWER IT HONESTLY BUT OBIVOUSLY HONESTY ISNT THE BEST POLICY WITH SOME IDIOTS. YOURS IS ONLY THE 50TH QUESTION THAT IVE HAD ON THERE WHERE DO I DRAW THE LINE AT A LOUSY $2 BUCKS A PIECE AND I PAID MORE AND YOUR A JERK AND I WOULDNT SELL THEM TO YOU IF YOU OFFERED ME $500 PER LISTING THANKS ROGER
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Finally from me:

----- Original Message -----
From: info@verymerryseamstress.com
To: Roger

DUDE! You spent more time being a JERK to me than it would have taken you to LOOK in the magazines!

You've spent at LEAST five minutes ARGUING with me - it would have taken LESS TIME to simply LOOK IN THE MAGAZINES!!!!!!
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Whatever you do, do NOT ask Roger questions. It makes him angry. Wouldn't you think that if a person hated answering eBay email THIS MUCH, he would rethink his career choice?

Peace, till next

----- Original Message -----
From: Sister Erin
To: info@verymerryseamstress.com
Sent: Thursday, April 21, 2005 2:02 PM
Subject: Scooby Post

Erin

Peace, till next

I was talking to Erin on the phone, as I usually do in the wee pre-awakened E-Beth hours of the morning, and she told me a few great stories about Ethan and his Daddy, Patrick (who just so happens to be Elizabeth's uncle!)

Ethan is allowed to watch 20 minutes of Scooby Doo each day. He loves it. When you ask him what sound a mummy makes, he furrows his little brow, purses his lips up tight and grunt-growls a ferocious MMMMMMMMM!, just like mummies do.

He has his very own Scooby doll. He loves his very own Scooby doll. Mostly because Scooby can do everything Ethan CAN'T do.

For example: Ethan's life is filled with "yes" objects and activities and "no" objects and activities. A "yes" activity would be reading a good book with Mom. A "no" activity would be sticking his finger in an electrical outlet or wrapping the vacuum cleaner cord around his neck. A "yes" object would be his plate of snacks. A "no" object would be any/all remote controls in the house and other "gadgety" things.

So, when Ethan hears, "Ethan, that's a NO." He stops what he's doing, and quickly lifts Scooby's stuffed head up to the prohibited object, presses the Scobby nose to said object and goes "Sniff, Sniff."

Because that's what dogs do.

That wouldn't be quite so bad, but every now and again, Ethan takes Scooby's nose and presses it against his butt and does the "sniff, sniff" thing. (Fun stuff in public)

To continue: Among the extensive list of "NO"s in Ethan's house includes the newest of a long list of baby monitors - of which he has broken many.

Flashback to a few nights ago when Ethan was playing with Patrick and Erin, and he grabbed the baby monitor because baby monitors are very cool gadgety things.

"Ethan, that's a NO," said Patrick firmly. Scooby wasn't handy, so Ethan kept playing with the monitor and completely ignored Patrick. Erin was astounded when Patrick simply got up and left the room.

"Geesh, he didn't put in much of an effort on THAT one," she thought. All the sudden she heard a HUGE, BOOMING voice

ETHAN, I AM A NO!
PUT ME DOWN! NOW!

thundering through the baby monitor. Ethan immediately dropped it to the floor and started backing up, shaking his head "no," and repeating "no, no, no, no." Moments like these, oh, how you wish you had the video camera handy. Erin is pleased to report that he hasn't touched the monitor since then.

A few days later, Ethan was rummaging around in the closet and for some reason, Erin's coin sorter started up and running "rrrrrrrrrMMMMMMMrrrrrrrrMMMMMMMMrrrrrrrrrr-MMMM" it groaned loudly. Poor little Ethan came running to Erin, very scared, grabbed her hand and led her to the closet, where he stood, pointed, furrowing his little brow, lips pursed tightly and said with a grumbly growl: MMMMMMMMMMM!

Later that night, Patrick came home and was told about the horrible mummy living in the closet. He pulled out the coin sorter and was on his way to show Ethan that it was not a Mummy. He started it up, and just as it started to groan its way to life, smart-aleck Patrick, uncle of my child, pretended that the coin sorter was painfully chewing off his hand and started screaming loudly in horrific pain.

Again, where's the video camera? Erin was MOST unpleased at Patrick's antics, but Ethan recovered.

But for now, Elizabeth, darling daughter of mine, watch out for that Uncle Patrick of yours. He's a sneaky one and I don't want you learning ANY tricks from him. ;-)

Peace, till next