Three months ago:
He: Yeah, a pond. For kayaking and other delicious fun. Let's get one.
She: Okay. Count me in.
******
Pond Guy: That'll be a couple grand for dozer fees. Oh, and we'll have to take out those pretty willow trees. They'll suck yer pond drier than a popcorn fart.
She: Over my dead body. I love those trees. Nobody will be cutting down any of my willows.
He: What if we MOVE the pond? Please? No trees will be harmed. Well. Except the crappy ones.
She: Okay. You can kill the crappy trees. But not my willows.
He: Got it. Done.
Pond guy disappears, never to be seen or heard from again. We think the willows got him
Flash forward to a few days ago. The satellite TV dudes show up and start zapping pictures with a combo satellite-detecting/brain-frying machine.
She: (Afraid of brain fryers, tells Brian) Whatever it takes, baby. Make it happen.
Satellite Dudes: (after brain-frying-fear girl leaves) ZAPZAPZAP Yeah. Gonna have to take out those trees. Can't get crap with those trees in the way.
He: Hmmm. I don't think she'll go for that. She's got this "thing" for nature and trees and stuff.
Satellite Dudes: Bummer, man. Bummer.
Later . . .
He: Oh. Yeah. Satellite TV. They have to take out our trees in order for us to be able to receive the satellite signal.
She: Yeah, okay?
He: Ummm. Isn't that, you know, bad?
She: Why would it be, you know, bad?
He: So, let me get this right, it's NOT ok to cut down trees for a pond, but it's ok for Little House on the Prairie?
She: (NELLIE GLARE)
He: Yeah, okay, gotcha.
It turns out in the end, that the trees that have to come down are all trees that we were going to be taking down anyway - NOT my willows. They're box elder trees, and they not only attract box elder bugs, but they rot from the inside out and like to fall on houses and dogs and children. And besides, our box elder trees are growing sideways. Not upways.
What's that you say?
OK, Whatever. So I'm a hypocrite. There are worse things, I suppose.
Like finding out your pile of river gold is actually fool's gold.
Or finding out the evil neighborhood girl is only FAKE paralyzed (but it's ok, because you push her wheelchair down a big hill and the evil girl lands in the swamp)
Or when Carrie falls down a mine shaft because she was chasing butterflies.
Or when you accidentally turn Pa's hair green.
Or when Carrie falls asleep in a hot air balloon and floats away.
Or when all the money Pa inherited is SPENT and then you find out (too late) that it's confederate money.
Or when all the little blind children get lost in a dirt storm. . . .
You get the picture. And soon, I will too, in FULL color.
Peace, till next