The Stitch

Pass it on:

Specialized Costume Maker for Cirque du Soleil Montreal

Temporary position: 12 months

Reporting to the Costume-Making Supervisor, the costume maker will carry out the steps for costume production and follow-up in accordance with technical and artistic specifications, as well as production needs.

Duties and responsibilities:
* Perform the steps for producing costumes on specialized machines following the established steps and within the allotted timeframes;
* Apply Cirque's quality and production procedures and standards;
* Apply the procedures and use the tools suggested further to the reengineering of costume-making procedures;
* Perform a self-evaluation of the quality of your work and have it validated by the Quality Assurance Technician;
* Draft, use and update technical documents;
* Work in close collaboration with the different people involved in costume making;
* Develop your analytic skills so as to suggest technical improvements;
* Do preventive maintenance on costume-making equipment;
* Take part in team meetings;
* Carry out all other related tasks.

Qualifications

The ideal candidate possesses the following:
* A professional college diploma in men's and women's garment techniques, a college diploma in fashion design or theatre

production, or the equivalent;
* At least 2 years' experience in making stage costumes;
* In-depth knowledge of the various fabrics;
* Knowledge of the various machines: buttonhole, tacking, coverstitch, blindstitch, etc.;
* Ability to adapt to unforeseen situations and be part of a team;
* Ability to deal with stress and work with tight deadlines;
* Ability to work quickly;
* Attention to detail;
* Positive attitude;
* Respect for others;
* Self-sufficiency;
* Available and ready to travel abroad;
* Fluency in French (spoken and written);
* Basic knowledge of English (spoken and written).

Click here to apply online

A thousand millennia of hostility were compressed in her chest and today they were going to shatter free. Elizabeth sat, brow knit into frustration, shoulders slumped, prickly from exhaustion. Her fist pounded listlessly against the harsh surface. She moaned. A quiet, pathetic cry for help. But not a soul heard. Or seemed to care.

Slowly, mechanically, she raised her arms to the Gods and cried out, "AaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAA-IIIIICKY-BUNKA-MA-GAGAGAGAGAGAGA!" As if the Gods were listening and opening their hearts to the mournful scree of eternal sadness, a pile of steaming nourishment was slapped before her woeful countenance.

Caviar? Oysters? Duck a l'orange? Ever the optimist, Elizabeth closed her eyes and conjured memories from her past life. It seemed so long ago, so far from this prison which caged her like a wild rat. She pressed her eyelids tighter and arrowed her finger into the lifeless mass of food.

Again, again, again, again. No amount of mind trickery could transform this pile of cold, unpalatable slop into something it was not.

Finally, unable to control the explosion of emotion bottled inside her hardened heart, she plunged her fists into the slop before her, scooped with expert agility, and plastered the walls surrounding her. This food wasn't even something she could feed her wild muppesaur, Elmo.

Substandard. Inferior. Hated. Despised. She wanted more, but not a person around her could understand her exquisite tastes. Not a person cared. She cried out once more, ""AaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAA-IIIIICKY-BUNKA-MA-GAGAGAGAGAGAGA!"

The gatekeepers sighed, relented, and came to her with an offering of more food. She stared at the sustenance wishing upon every swooning star in the sky that it might be a taste she could adore. She impaled it once more.

But it was still.

Only.

Peanut butter.

When I'm not busy looking for bowels on eBay, I spend time browsing through my website stats to see what search terms are bringing people to my site. Yes, these are the search terms that people used, and my website turned up as one of the results.

This week's funny search terms are:

breast+envy
breast+envy+in+work+place
very+important+person
curves+of+steel+dodgeball+team+roster (Was that you, Brian?)
hike+nekkid
legally+change+birthday (HAH! I'm not the only one who likes this idea!)
stink+bug+costumes
dudes+going+commando+pics
peeing+in+the+road
stupid+farting

And my overall favorite search term for this week was:
how+much+beer+do+i+need+for+a+wedding

Heather's Thick-witted Thoughts . . . .

As I was driving around the city of Rochester this morning in an ongoing quest to find a zillion pink feather boas for my new-redo of that sassy, sexy Moulin Rouge Pink Diamonds number, I once again noted the alarming number of IDIOTS on the road. It occurred to me that if all drivers would simply behave as though it was their own child in the vehicle in front of them, we would all be a Hell of a lot safer.

Well, that is, unless ALL DRIVERS = MEDEA. Then we're all screwed.

Geeky Garby

I am in love again. I just received my very own autographed copy of the costuming world's most recent book to hit the eagerly awaiting seamstressing world, "The Tudor Tailor." I'm nearly passing out with historically-accurate GLEE.

This is serious, serious stuff, folks. And we'll be working on some really spiffy new projects in the upcoming months. Expect lots of delicious Tudor Goodness for the rest of '06. Oh yes, also look for our new website, which will be devoted exclusively to hard-core historically accurate clothing from all eras. This site will offer only clothing made from patterns from extant clothing, or clothing made from actual extant clothing from our own ever-growing collection.

Happy, love, love, dance, dance, love, happy, sing-song, happy, happy, HAPPY ME!

Have a party. Leave comments. You'll be loved for it.

We are totally nannied-up! Colleen has accepted the position, and started this morning. She has two delightful children and Elizabeth had a blast playing with them. So much fun, that she is, in fact, ASLEEP at this very moment, instead of doing her usual hour-long pre-nap ritual of rattling the cage (crib) walls off the hinges and smashing her tantrumming feet at the wall through the bars.

Colleen is AMAZING. I have a hard enough time balancing one kid on my hip, but she managed THREE. N'ary a teardrop in the house - I heard fits of laughter all morning while sewing. I'm awestruck.

Sweet potatoes on a stick. Life is good, once again. (Not that it was ever bad, but I was getting a little worried that I was going to be assigned to permanent night shift at the Very Merry Sweatshop while Brian took the day shift out-of-home. )

OK - news around the website - some may have noticed the addition of ads on the blog pages. We're not sure how they will work out, since so far all of them lead directly to our COMPETITORS' SITES. (mutter grumble) But we've been promised a cure for that. Brian installed special code last night, and in the process, our comments page was deleted. Brian has promised to fix that within the next day or so. (YAY, Brian!)

CONTEST! So be it! You win! I got tons of feedback about this, and it would seem that you all want a chance to win free garb! I'm all for it - so your job is come come up with the wackiest, funniest, craziest contest I could possibly offer. Make it something that anyone could easily do - no Mount Everest climbs or anything like that. Simple, clean fun.

Here are my ideas, pathetic as they may be:

The Annual Spring Leg Shearing Contest: for all you lovely ladies who stop shaving your legs for addittional warmth during these cold, chilly months. You can send in pictures of your hairy legs and the furriest pair wins!

What-were-you-thinking Faire Garb Contest: Break out your Crayolas and draw me up the most historically inaccurate, hysterically funny, off-the-wall Faire costume you can think of.

My-Guy-In-Tights Contest: Con your hubby/Significant Other/Brother/Father to don a costume that includes a pair of tights, and take his picture. You must own the copyright to the picture (meaning, you had to take it). Funniest tights-clad guy wins free garb for YOU. What does he get? The opportunity to have his picture (wearing tights, of course) plastered all over our website. How's that for a sweet deal?

Send in your ideas, and I'll choose one contest that sounds like it will be the most fun for everyone who may want to enter, and we'll get it underway within the next few weeks!

Nanny Status: Probable.

Four candidates, all seem super fabulous, but one stands out as stellarsuperstar fabulous. She has kids and Elizabeth loves kids. We're thinking that the interaction will do her good in case we want to someday add another critter to the Piper clan and I'M NOT SAYING THAT WE DO. It's just us being good little planners. Just in case. (I can already see my mother's "grandma sensors" perking up.) Stop it, Mom.

In two hours Nanny candidate number one arrives with her own little kidlets in tow. We'll see how everyone gets along and barring any major catastrophes, hopefully we'll be nannied up by tomorrow and nobody will have missed a beat.

All orders are still being processed on time (it took a few late nights and weekend hours), and with a tight schedule, I think I may even be able to get a bit ahead of schedule and squeeze in a few new designs.

Just to put out some feelers, how would you folks feel about a contest where you could win a custmom gown package? (Like a court gown) If you think you'd be interested, email me. If enough people want to participate, I'll do one. I've got a few ideas in mind. ::evil laughter::

And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

On April 1st the production crew for the movie "Remember my Isa" will be at the Louisiana Renaissance Festival to film three scenes for their movie. Anyone who would like to be an extra in the movie can be a part of it by coming to the festival site at 9:00 am in garb. When you arrive, just ask for Paul Orr (assistant director in charge of extras) or for Keri Jenkings (director).

If you would like more information about the movie or the crew creating it, please visit www.remembermyisa.com. Here is a quote from their website dealing with the scenes that will be shot at LRF:

"Currently, this is the biggest and most involved scene on our schedule. We will be filming on location at the Louisiana Renaissance Festival property in Hammond, La. The first scene depicts a busy town where Onyx believes she sees her lost mother, only to find it was her imagination creating images inside her head. Scene 90, which will also be filmed on the 1st, presents Onyx riding through town with Anne Bonny riding on the horses that will be brought to the set by the Hutchinson family. To create a believable town, we need extras of all ages and ethnicities on the set. We also need props and horses. If you are interested in participating as an extra, please arrive dressed in non-modern clothes (no T-shirts, blue jeans, or tennis shoes). We do have a limited number of
costumes available, but we are uncertain of the number of extras that will participate. We need as many people as possible, so please recruit!"

To volunteer, please either email info@RememberMyIsa.com or call Collette at 225-293-1709 (please keep in mind that Collette is a student and would prefer to receive calls between the hours of 4:00pm to 8:00pm).

Filming for Acts II and III is held on weekends only and only one day out of each weekend. The shooting schedule has been posted for December and January. Actors and crew members, please post your availability for February and March by January 14th on the Cast & Crew Availability Calendar.

You asked for them. Pictures, that is. I'm certain you didn't ask for the cheesy captions, but I'm giving them to you for free, so don't complain.

If you think I'm sexy, just reach out and touch me. Or at least smear a whole lot of squash all over the camera lens.

License? I don't need no stinkin' license.

Is that Bush guy on tv again? ELMO FOR PRESIDENT!

Click here to see a stellar performance of Elizabeth and her cousin Riley after eating the greeniest, sugariest St. Patrick's Day cupcakes on the planet.

Elizabeth's poops have been as green as Skye-dog's poop was two days after he consumed an entire lawn of freshly mowed greenery and Uncle Gary dubbed him "the grasshole."

6:30 - I wake up early to answer emails before my perfect baby (who normally sleeps till 8 am) wakes up to begin her day. Brian is showering.

6:35 - I brush my teeth, dress (I showered last night), sit down at computer with steaming cup of coffee, start responding to emails. Feeling good. I can be a SAHM AND an efficient business woman too.

6:36: Elizabeth hears me plop into my comfort zone, awakes and starts the IWANTTOGETUPNOW!!!! wail.

6:36.08 - I type frantically, whispering "gobacktosleepbabygobacktosleepbaby."

6:37 - I give up on emails and run upstairs to comfort my sunny little pumpkin. I tell myself I can finish emails while Elizabeth sits next to me eating her breakfast. As I peek into her room, she gives me her morning grin, making the email delay well worth it.

6:45 - Elizabeth is dressed and ready for breakfast. I prepare fruit while she screams at me for being a pokey-butt.

6:46 - I catch Brian easing himself into the chair in front of my computer. My neck hairs bristle. I think to myself "whatareyoudoing? WHATAREYOUDOING? I have thismuchtime to answer emails while she's eating!" I watch closely and say nothing.

6:47 - I attach Elizabeth's feeding trough to the high chair and she begins her morning food flail. The walls turn peachy.

6:47:18 - I leap toward my computer to stop Brian from opening a PDF - which is GUARANTEED to crash my system and tie it up for a solid 15 minutes. I move as though I am stuck in the Matrix, dodging bullets in 3-dimensional slow motion. Smith kills me - I'm too slow. Brian has clicked, my system freezes. So much for those 10 minutes of answering emails while Elizabeth eats breakfast.

6:47.19 - I faceplant into the wall because I'm a clod, and in the process, scare the bejeezus out of Elizabeth, Brian, the cat and the dog. Everyone starts screaming/crying/barking/screeching at me. A glob of peach is chucked in my direction and hits me in the a$$. This is karmic payback for being too possessive of my computer.

6:57 - I give up on my computer freeze and give it the cold boot. Elizabeth hurls another peach at my head.

6:58 - Computer restarts. Elizabeth is finished with breakfast. She clutches every bit of remaining fruit in her tiny little paws, stares me in the eye, and splats all of it to the floor. She opens her mouth to tell me, "I'm finished, mother. Please, may I be excused?" But what comes out sounds like Yoko Ono and her backup band of fourteen cats in heat, scraping steak knives on glass.

6:59 - Elizabeth is cleaned and ready to play. Brian is ready to leave for his first day of work. I am ready for a tequila bath.

It's now 1:00, Elizabeth is napping peacefully after a full (and actually, very fun) morning of playing with Mommy. I'm catching up on my emails, laying out and cutting out tonight's orders, which I will sew after Brian gets home. After the morning's chaos, I'm actually pleased with the way today has progressed.

I can do this.

And it'll get easier. We're planning to have a nanny come in for either mornings or afternoons to play with E-Beth while I sew. Yes, I can absolutely do this, and I can do it well.

Meanwhile, I'm hoping Elizabeth will take pity on me and start hitting me in the face with CHOCOLATE instead of peaches.

1) The way British people are always saying "fantastic."

2) EastEnders, because it has British actors in it who are always saying "fantastic." The BBC, at one time, used to show this British soap on cable, but now it's by subscription only and I'm too thrifty to pay for it. The British people on EastEnders say things other than "fantastic," like "Dodgy motors" or "I don't believe it!" or "cuppa." British people are fantastic.

3) The BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation) made an original version of "The Forsyte Saga," and PBS followed up with the most recent version of it. Damian Lewis stars in this series. He is British and probably says "fantastic" a lot. He also starred in Band of Brothers.

4) The HBO series "Band of Brothers" Tom Hanks had something to do with this series, which I bought it because I love it so much. (The movie, not Tom Hanks)

5) If you're feeling blue, rent "That Thing You Do." It's an adorable little pick-me-up movie. Tom Hanks is in it, and I think he directed it too. I own a copy of it, and whenever I need happiness, I watch it.

6) Tom Everett Scott, who stars in "That Thing You Do," paired with Liv Tyler. Their last-scene kiss is one of the most swoon-a-riffic I've ever seen.

7) Liv Tyler, who wears all the pretty dresses in Lord of the Rings. Although, Eowyn could kick her a$$ any day of the week and not have to worry about damaging all that silk velvet. Silk velvet is delicious.

8) Avocados are also delicious.

9) Tostitos' 'hint of lime" chips. If you haven't tried them, they're great with guacamole, which is made from avocados.

10) It's Sunday. I can sit around and watch movies and eat chips with guacmole all day. Well, maybe not ALL day, but at least while E-Beth takes her nap.

It's another chance to earn free garb!

I'm starting up a new website that offers Do It Yourself projects to help keep wedding costs low for brides who are on really tight budgets. If you've got a project, send it to us. Please type up the directions in step-by-step format and include a few pictures (crisp, clear thumbnails, please). You must be the copyright owner of all submitted pictures (meaning, you must be the person who actually took the picture).

DO NOT steal copyrighted text, ideas or pictures from other people or their websites. If we receive any reports of stolen copyrighted text or pictures, we'll turn yer butt in faster than you can say "bail bondsman." Seriously, folks - we're so not kidding on this one. Copyright infringement is serious dookie, and we won't tolerate any form of copyright infringement. If we catch you doing it, we will release your information to the rightful copyright owners and let them beat you with wet noodles, or whatever it is they do to evil infringers nowadays.

If we use your project, we will issue you a credit for $10 toward VMS garb. So, if you send 10 projects and we use all of them, we will issue you ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS in credit to make a VMS purchase! (shoes, hats, some corsets, and jewelry not included - email us first to find out if what you'd like can be ordered through this offer.)

You don't have to send all your projects in at once, and you can accumulate up to $300 in credit before you must redeem it. Tell your crafty friends about this too! This offer is open to anyone who wishes to submit their ideas!

Remember, you can only earn credit if we use your project idea on our new website. When you submit your project, we will give you the URL to the new site (which is not yet up and running) so you can keep up with everything that's happening. When we use your project, we'll notify you in advance, and keep a record of your earned credits.

BUSINESS OWNERS: If you own a business that offers wedding products or craft supplies and you want get a bit of free advertising, do a project write-up and link to your website! If you would rather link to your website to promote your products instead of earning credits, this is an excellent way to promote your business for free!

So, if you're short on cash and looking for garb, this is an excellent opportunity! If you'd like a bit of free advertising for your company, this is a great way to do it! Start submitting your DIY ideas today and earn free stuff!

As part of a new Friday feature, I thought I'd share some of my favorite links with you. Every morning, as I gag down a Slimfast and wake up, I visit a long list of links from my favorites file. Sometimes, when I'm feeling particularly randy, I visit them twice in one day. Because I'm wild and crazy like that.

This website is one I've enjoyed for a long time, and it's a GUARANTEED pants-wetter. It's also an enormous time-suck, so if you're sitting at your desk today, waiting for 5 pm, instead of counting eraser shreds on your desk, you can watch this guy dance, make giraffe sounds, or pick on Annie. The educational videos are particularly fabulous.

This site has links to unique wares that make great gifts ideas for people you like. I say "gift ideas," because I find myself visiting that site thinking, "Geesh, I could make that amazing retro-sofa, for a lot less than thirteen kabillion dollars!" A few weeks ago they featured padded baby pants, so that crazy crab-crawlers wouldn't get knee-callouses like our creepingly-creative kiddo. I smacked myself for not thinking of the idea first.

Enjoy, have a great weekend, and remember to share links wisely. See you on Monday!

Well, he did it. Brian went out and got a job, damn him. He got one of those pesky jobs that require him to leave the house on a Monday-Friday, nine-to-five basis.

Bah. So fancy.

This is why my blog hasn't been updated much this week - I need to fill several orders before he leaves for his new job on Monday. We don't have child care lined up for Elizabeth yet, to allow me to work either mornings or afternoons. We're looking for someone who can come here to watch her so we won't have to disrupt her daily routine too much. She is going to miss her Daddy quite a lot. Truth be told, so am I.

This morning we went to take our car to the garage for a check-up. Over the winter we've only been using the 4WD truck and we've left the car parked. But now that he's heading back over to that corporate-ladder lifestyle, we have to go back to being a two-car family unit.

Brian started to pull out of the driveway after I backed up the Explorer, and I noticed him open his door and look under the car several times. Several "This ain't good" times.

The back left tire was absolutely frozen - as in NOT MOVING, NOT ROTATING, NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT. I've never seen such a thing in my 27 years of life on th