The Stitch

This entry is utterly sexist, yes, I admit it. I am guilty, guilty, guilty. However, my house STINKS, so I'm entitled.

According to the Manly-Man laws of Scaffolding, if you have a bag of garbage that needs to be relocated from the second story bathroom to the ground floor, you will:

A) carry it gently down the stairs and place it in the garbage bin.

B) Dislodge the window in front of the newly erected scaffolding and chuck it violently down to the platform system below you.

I firmly believe that if you are female, you will probably carry it down the stairs. Especially since YOU hauled out the upstairs bathroom and you know that there is a (very fragile) dusty old bottle of Polo hidden inside that garbage bag.

If you are male, out of curiosity you will violently chuck the garbage bag down the scaffolding system, shattering the bottle of Polo as it bashes against each platform.

The shattering sound will cause the extremely hairy (and curious) Australian Shepherd (who lives with you) to immediately investigate. As the smelly drops of Polo splash to the ground below, the dog will, of course, roll obsessively in the offensive odor, completely coating himself in it.

If you are male and have chucked the bag out the window, as soon as you hear the glass shatter, you will whisper a worried "oh shit," climb from the window, down the scaffolding, to figure out what you just destroyed. In the process, you will coat your hands and the bottom of your shoes with Polo. You will grab the dog to drag him inside, and as you walk through the house, each Polo-infused step will spread enough stench to kill a gaggle of Valley Girls.

There was a reason I threw it in the garbage. Polo lived a good life: TWENTY YEARS AGO. And now the house, Boy, yard AND dog reek of 1989.

However, the drywall is LOADED, and for that, I am THRILLED.

I'm done being sexist now. We will resume our regularly scheduled television broadcast, as soon as we wash the stench of Polo from EVERYTHING PIPER.