I just spent more money on a sewing machine than I spent on my first two vehicles.
Actual 1990 conversation:
"So, what do you drive?"
"A 'Vette."
"Cor?"
"No. Chev."
My third car was an vanity vehicle. A spiffy white Fiero. I can tell you firsthand that spiffy white Fieros do not float in 40 feet of water. They sink like a ton of opera singers. I took it as The Divine Hand thwacking me on the back of my head, telling me to lose the ego and get something practical.
Like a spiffy white convertible. In Upstate New York.
Back to the sewing machine: I just bought a Husqvarna Sapphire! Did you know that the little island of sewing machines in the center of my Least Favorite Fabric Store is actually NOT part of my Least Favorite Fabric Store? I was not aware of this, and halfway through the saleswoman's pitch, I thought to myself, "Heyyyyy. What's going on here? This woman is REALLY NICE. WHY?"
Answer: It's because they're a separate little store within a store!
I picked up my brand new Husqvarna box, and the three sewing machine saleswomen stood in front of me and applauded. Yes, they actually applauded. I glowed like a lit fart on a cold February eve. Then the women stepped aside and cheered my name as I gently placed my new machine in my green cart with the sticky wheel.
My Least Favorite Fabric Store is now my VERY MOST FAVORITE FABRIC STORE because they have the nicest Husqvarna saleswomen living in an island in the middle of it.
BACK TO THE MACHINE: It's a Sapphire. It's beautiful. Elizabeth even said so. She hesitated for a moment when she saw it was not blue, but then told me, "It's so beautiful!" I whispered under my breath "Glad you like it, kiddo, because your inheritance? You're lookin' at it."
As the woman was teaching me how to use the different stitches, the sky opened and angels massaged my scalp. They fed me tiny angel hot dogs while snow white doves wound silk ribbons around my extended arms, and the machine - this beautiful, very expensive, magical machine put the presser foot down without anyone touching it.
This thing is so fine that I only have to think about it, and it will pee for me.
Huh. I wonder. I wonder. Do you think it changes stinky diapers too? I bet it does. It's that good.