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April 24, 2008

Picture Pages, Picture Pages

It's been a while since Brian went through the camera. Last night, as he moaned about having to transfer over 600 images from the camera to the computer, I noted, "Remember the good old days when we used to pay people to process our pictures for us?"

Here you have it, folks. Three months worth of glorious munchkin cuteness.

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There's nobody in this orange fabric bucket. Nobody at all. YOU CAN NOT SEE ME. STEP AWAY FROM THE ORANGE BUCKET.

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Can you believe this was just less than a month ago?

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If you think I'm sexy, just reach out and touch me. Come on, sugar, let me know.

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The Polly Pocket Princess Lunch Jury is still in session.

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I totally taught her how to do this. A few seconds later, as she pulled it from her nostrils and observed the giant green booger stuck to it, I thought, "Huh. Maybe this was a Bad Idea." Then she wiped the booger on my shirt and any previous doubt as to the overall goodness of the idea was erased.

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Can you find the Angry Monkey in this picture?

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I DON'T KNOW ANY WORDS OTHER THAN 'MEOW,' BUT THAT! THAT! THAT OVER THERE! IS REALLY FREAKING IMPORTANT!

April 19, 2008

Overheard: holes in screens

"Elizabeth, please don't poke your finger in that hole."

"Why can't I poke my finger in it, Dad?"

(She's calling us MOM and DAD now)

"Because it'll get bigger and then things will fly through it."

"What things, Dad?"

"Oh, you know. Baby mosquitoes, moths, no-see-ums, pterodactyls. . . "

March 16, 2008

For the love of Julie

Because I have displayed public appreciation for my sister-in-law, Jane, I feel it's only fair that I single out my other fantabulous sister-in-law, Julie and shine the love-spotlight in her direction for a little while.

(Yep, Jane & Julie, sisters-in-law: J² )

Y'all know Julie. She's the one who lovingly introduced my daughter to Polly Pocket dolls. This introduction has led to a healthy addiction of molecule-sized doll paraphernalia coating her bedroom floor.
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This is Elizabeth's bedroom, post-nap. I think it's pretty safe to say she's not doing much napping anymore.

Dinner at the Piper household is now attended by a jury of six Polly Pocket Princesses. They are lined up firing-squad style, directly in front of Elizabeth's plate and she eats her meals with 12 microscopic, unblinking eyes staring at her. Personally, I think it's a little creepy, but if it keeps her from doing the dinner-tantrum jig, I'm okay with it.

This is breakfast at our house:
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This is lunch:
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This is the VonTrapp-style (Before Julie Andrews arrived) pre-dinner inspection:
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And this? Well, if you threw a six-pack of Miller Lite in the back, THIS could have been my prom night.

Let's hope Elizabeth fares better on hers.

February 26, 2008

Dear Jane,

When you told us that payback was gonna be a bitch, you weren't a kiddin', were you? If an apology is all you require, please accept my most humbled attempt at sincerity:

I am truly sorry for every loud, obnoxious gift I ever gave to your children.

I am sorry that none of the gifts I gave came with an off button and had a volume of epically brain-drilling proportions.

Jake the Snake? The rabid, remote-controlled viper, complete with VIPER-STRIKING action? Ouch. I'm sorry. I know that one made a big impression.

The hovercraft INDOOR soccer ball? Yeah, sorry about that one, too. I understand that kicking hard plastic objects around the house probably shouldn't be encouraged.

I now have a new-found appreciation for educational, silent toys and I will never again bestow another blinking, screeching, motion-activated, freakish, kickable, 'virtually-alive' gift on your children.

Adam would like to thank you for the new ULTRA SENSITIVE talking barnyard sounds Aquadoodle mat. Apparently you heard about his new favorite game, PILLOW HURL. Because the talking mat has a pillow attached to it. On which Adam likes to hurl himself. And the hurling action activates those really spectacular LOUD barnyard sounds, including a screaming child, a revving tractor, an angry pig, a barking dog and a herd of mating chickens.

And the mat - well, it's touch sensitive. So as soon as the magic Aquadoodle pen touches it, it starts singing OLD MACDONALD HAD A FARM, E-I-E-I-O. And thank goodness it sings the WHOLE SONG because we weren't sure about how many animals lived on Old MacDonald's farm until you gave Adam this AWESOME mat.

46. Yes, that's right. There are 46 animals living on Old MacDonald's farm and Adam's new mat sings about every blessed one of 'em. The song lasts about 8 hours.

And as an added bonus, the mat is also location sensitive, too! So when Adam pounds the pen on the upper right corner, Fido lets loose a string of four-thousand feisty barks, which activates SKYE'S barking sounds, because he is very eager to protect his family from the apparent DOG INFESTATION in the living room.

Lower, center-right features a sheep stampede. Did you know that Skye is a herding dog, Jane?

And good news, Jane! The cat loves the mat, too! At four a.m. she likes to playfully scamper across it to activate the music, which sends her into a frenzied OMGWTFWASTHAT? freak-out session, causing her to charge back and forth across the mat a thousand times before realizing that SHE is the one causing the barnyard animals to screech relentlessly at her.

No volume control, which means it's always at full throttle. And the kids LOVE it, which means we're never allowed to turn the damn thing OFF. You scored HUGE points with the kids, not-so-huge points with the parents. But that was what you were going for, wasn't it?

Truce, please? I'll make a big batch of fudge for you if you'll say yes.

January 04, 2008

It's all about Jane DeRue

I swear there's a Very Excellent Blog coming up. I just have to find a few hours to write it. Here is a teaser:
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November 20, 2007

Homeward Bound

Happy Birthday, Dad! Hope it's an AWESOME one! :-)

We're closing up shop from today through to Sunday, so if you don't receive a response from us, it's not because we're ignoring you - it's because we're having a contest to see who can stuff the most mints in their mouth at once. Oh, and we'll be gorging on turkey, too. We'll answer your emails and will process your orders next week when we re-open.

I promise.

We're actually leaving OUR home for Thanksgiving, and heading toward the homes of family members, which makes it the next best thing to home. We're leaving early tomorrow morning, and won't be back until next Sunday night. The kids will likely hate us (from all the driving), by the time we're home, but what's Thanksgiving without a few flaring tempers, right? All they do is scream a lot of nonsense anyway, so it's not like we have to listen to what they're saying.

"MOMMMMMYYYYYYAHHHSOMDAGOBBATOOMYTHIMPIUMPERDAAAAAAJUMMMMMMMM!"

:Pause to suck in air to gear up for the next stream of screamed nonsense:

:Repeat:

"MOMMMMMYYYYYYAHHHSOMDAGOBBATOOMYTHIMPIUMPERDAAAAAAJUMMMMMMMM!"

10 hours of that is a LOT OF FUN. OH, LET ME TELL YOU. Don't cast yer eyes down on me for investing in that Car DVD setup. BEST PURCHASE I EVER MADE. Instead of 10 hours of "MOMMMMMYYYYYYAHHHSOMDAGOBBATOOMYTHIMPIUMPERDAAAAAAJUMMMMMMMM!" I now only have to deal with about 2 hours of it. Like I said,
Best.
Purchase.
Ever.

I've had several people accept my invitation to hike with me, but there are a few more of you (one who has actually climbed several Adirondack peaks - YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!) who I'm hoping will join me. You don't have to pick a peak yet. Just start thinking about when you'd like to climb with me. Have a weekend in July free? Let me know and I'll reserve the weekend just for YOU!

September 29, 2007

a few pictures - more to come!

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September 16, 2007

Say Cheese.

Saturday morning I went grocery shopping. I drove to my favorite store and bought smoked turkey, "circle cheese" (provolone, which is E-Beth's favorite) and the rest of the items on my list. I shop at this store for two reasons: because I think all of the employees must have taken classes on how to provide flawless customer service and because the deli boy flirts with me. (Oh, like you don't do the same thing!)

I came home and told Brian about the deli boy and he told me that's exactly why HE shops at that grocery store too, and aren't I surprised that the deli boy flirts with EVERYONE, not just me?

He's such a joy killer.

Tonight we were eating dinner (stuffed, grilled portobello mushrooms) and Elizabeth, who was clad only in her Dora underpants (because "clothes are BAAAAD"), announced that she would NOT be eating any more of the grilled DEATH we had placed on her plate. She wanted "circle cheese" from the nice boy in the grocery store who was talking to a little boy with a lollipop and why couldn't she have a lollipop because there is no way in heaven that the little boy at the grocery store could be a better child than she is and she reallyeallyeallyeallyeally deserved a lollipop. Or a cookie. Or ice cream.

Tired of arguing with the logic of TWO all day, I grabbed a piece of circle cheese from the fridge and did what any exhausted parent would do, I bribed her. "Eat two bites of mushroom and you can have the circle cheese. "

Chomp.

Chomp.

Mushrooms devoured, circle cheese scored by the childypants.

I bent over to pick up the toy that Adam had just ricocheted off my skull and turned back to make sure the circle cheese had been accepted as "not BAAAAD." I immediately shrieked, "Elizabeth, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"But I washing my feet, Mommy."

There she was, in all her Dora The Explorer underoo glory, washing her feet clean with the piece of provolone cheese.

And there you have it, folks. What do you say to a child who is washing her feet with provolone? Do you look to your husband for answers? No, he is too busy shielding his face from the world because he's laughing so hard he's spitting portobello chunks across the room.

September 12, 2007

Pictures, as promised

Brian took all the pictures on this day. I was going through the family photo albums and realized there are almost no pictures of me with the kids, so I asked him to take a few.

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I was showing Elizabeth Touch-me-nots and she wasn't all that crazy about the exploding pods!


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August 06, 2007

After all that, she still did not nap.

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May 07, 2007

More stories from Dad

SAGE DISTRICT FARM: THE HOUSE


The House, located on North Road out of Pulaski, sits on the side of a long sloping hill. It used to be great sport to take our sleds to school .at the top of the hill so that at the end of the school day it would be a mad race to see who could go the fastest and farthest down the road. If conditions were good (Packed snow and ice) one could coast almost to the rte. 3 / Sandy Creek “Y”. Of course, that meant a ½ to ¾ mile walk back upgrade to get home which was a ¼ mile downhill from the school. Go figure….It was fun, I was an active youngster. We didn’t worry much about traffic in fact if we heard a car coming down the road we would all run out to watch it go by and wave to the people. Also, if anyone heard an air plane all activity would cease until that faint speck would be spotted and observed as long as possible

The house was built probably around 1825/1840. Just a basic Northern Farmhouse.

The front door, which no one used, opened to an open hallway with stairs to the second floor. The stairs to the cellar were located directly under the first set of stairs. At the entrance there were two doors, one on each side of the hall. To the right was what we considered “Moms” side and to the left was “DGs” side of the house. That is the only way I recall any of us kids referring to our father. David Gladstone…..DG. (But not to his face). By the same reasoning my mother’s father was GN for George Norris Hilton…..

To answer Heather’s question regarding the reason for moving to the farm. I must admit I never really thought about it very much. I would suspect that considering the economic times during the Great Depression, a large family and other considerations it made sense to do as most others did and engage in subsistence farming. This meant growing as much of your own food as possible and with a few cows make enough off the milk check to buy clothes and pay the taxes. My dad worked full time as a fireman on a train engine (NEW YORK CENTRAL) until he accumulated enough seniority in the “Brotherhood” to become an engineer. I recall twice he snuck me aboard the engine for an overnight run to Massena, Oswego and back to Syracuse yards. This run was I believe called the “Hojack”. Can you imagine , a 6/8 year old boy riding in a train engine all those miles , un-friggin real .(Actually there wasn’t a damn thing to do except stare out at the dark night going by and stay the hell out of the way. Once in a while I would be allowed to turn my cap around and lean out the window like the fireman or engineer. I think I even pulled the whistle cord a time or two. Now remember, this was a STEAM ENGINE, not a stinking diesel-electric. This had a real train whistle not a bull horn.

Back to the house. The cellar was spectacularly unsuspectactular, other than the spider webs, ear-wigs and centipedes. Laid up stone walls, sandy dirt floor, wooden frames holding plank shelves for home canned goods, bins for potatoes, onions, squash and other dry keeper vegetables including cabbage and apples. Some of the cabbage was destined for the kraut crock This storage area was vital to our existence. If it wasn’t filled chock full in the summer and fall you could get pretty hungry in February and March when the wood chucks started coming out.(By then the winter hog was long gone and the chicken flock couldn’t stand too much more thinning out.)Jars and jars of tomatoes, green and yellow beans, beets swiss chard, sweet corn, carrots, pickles, relishes, tomato sauce and my favorite home made chili sauce. NOT SALSA , rich tomatoey, cinnamon, clove, onion, pepper flavored “Tail end of the garden CHILI SAUCE”

The “Winter Hog” was butchered in November when it was determined (hopefully) that the cold weather was ready to stay. After being well chilled overnight it was split and carried to the cold pantry. This was a windowless room on the north side of the house behind the kitchen and was the wall of the woodshed. Along the cold interior wall was a broad shelf which was the full length of the room. The hog halves would be laid out on the shelf and broken down into large portions. The choicer portions were used first to safe guard against loss by an onset of warm weather. This was living “high on the hog”. As the winter progressed the pickins got slimmer and some nights there was not much of an entrée other than boiled potatoes and milk gravy with bits of pork trimmings. Canned corn or tomatoes and warm Johnny cake ensured we didn’t starve to death. After supper, for a snack there was usually popped corn or on occasion Mom would make a small plate of simple fudge. 2cups sugar, 1 cup of milk. Boil to soft ball stage. Stir in a Teaspoon of butter and pour on a buttered plate. Vanilla or cocoa could be added during cooking as a special treat.

During the summer with no refrigeration available, meat was limited to what was at hand.. DG had to use the truck to get to work so we were left with no transportation to the store 6 miles away in Pulaski. We ate a lot of woodchuck. Actually it was pretty good. They are a very clean animal; They eat nothing but grasses and sustained countless generations of Native Americans. As young boys we delighted in going fishing or frog hunting. In the fall it was time to seek mushrooms and puff balls. Wild berries and nuts supplemented our food requirements. If Brother Dick had ammunition for his gun (22 cal.) and a careful aim we would enjoy pigeon pie or a pheasant for a change. Mom really liked it when we came home with a nice stringer of fish. It didn’t matter what kind, bullheads, suckers, sunfish, bass or pike, that woman loved fish.. Cleaned, dusted with a little salt and pepper, coated with flour and fried in hog fat and a slab of Johnny cake on the side…..It sure beat anything from McDonalds.

Each side of the house was the same. From the front hallway you entered into a front parlor which on DG’s side contained a nice old table and leather “Morris”type chair. On the table was the standard kerosene lamp. I recall a book shelf that had an illustrated copy of “Dante’s Inferno” on one wall. The other significant item in the room was the round “Oak” parlor stove. I swear this thing would hold ¼ of a cord of good hard wood and hold a fire for 2 days.

My Dad as you will discover was a dour, old country, stern disciplinarian, presbertyrian Scotsman who believed you were put on earth, NOT to enjoy yourself BUT to Work hard and be thrifty. This strong belief he tried to instill in our young minds…..kids will be kids…..I think I acquired a great deal of his frugality and retained it through the years. (Some people say I’m just cheap). Passing through the parlor you entered DG’s bedroom. Plain unadorned room with a bed, dresser and straight chair. The bed, as all the beds had a feather tick mattress because of the lack of heat at night. In addition to the door from the parlor there was a door back to the hallway and the door leading to the kitchen.

On mom’s side of the house was where the living occurred. From the front hall doorway you were met with a completely different environment that existed across the hall. Piles and bags of fabric, balls of rag strips for crocheting rugs, yarn for knitting, cats and kittens. Soft comfortable chairs (old but useable), plant stands with a multitude of different plants (wandering Jew, Christmas cactus, flowering maples, geraniums to name a few).A traditional table and chairs with a kerosene lamp provided work space for projects such as sewing, drawing, coloring and occasional school work.. In mom’s bed room of course there was a bed and dresser also a crib and a trundle bed. More plants certainly kept the room well oxygenated.
I have a very vivid memory of sleeping one night in the trundle bed and having a nightmare. Believe me I was scared! Maybe 5 years old and I was in the midst of a herd of stampeding elephants. My bed was bouncing all over the floor. I woke up screaming to find we were having an earthquake. Once mom got me calmed down I went back to sleep BUT I NEVER FORGOT IT.

From this room were two more doors. One went back to the hallway thence to the kitchen the other entered into what we called the summer kitchen.. It was not really a kitchen, no stove or appliances. More of a utility room where we kept the laundry tubs and later a gasoline powered washing machine (progress). This room exited onto the back porch and the primrose path to the outhouse. The regular kitchen back door also exited to the porch. The woodshed and cold pantry were the full width of the house with the end of the woodshed open to the outdoors.

I don’t recall much about the upstairs rooms as I didn’t spend much time up there except to sleep. Dugal and I shared a room under the eaves over the summer kitchen. There was one window that was a mite drafty. I recall waking in the morning and seeing little snow drifts across the window sill and on the floor.,. Once I was sure I had all my clothes spotted I would leap out of bed, grab my clothes and out the door, down the stairs, down the hall into the kitchen and behind the stove where it was warm…..Sure got a guy moving in the morning.
Brothers Jack and Dick also slept up stairs. They had to get up pretty early because they had to do the milking every night and morning. Mom would work right along with them whilst Dugal, Sally, Alex and myself slept in (Thelma came along later)

We kept a herd of about 30 cows, maybe 20 of them regular milkers . It was not what you would call a prime dairy but it did pay the taxes. We also had four horses. Babe and Elmer made up a light team and Tom and Jerry were a team of half broke, wild eyed western work horses that would rather run away than do anything else. I do not recall what the brand markings were but one of them had a bar and diamond on it..
To be continued……………

April 23, 2007

A special treat - "The Move"

A few months ago my sisters and I were discussing the notion that we all felt as though we had a book in us. The problem was that we lacked the motivation to put our ideas down on paper. Shannon came up with a solution and suggested that we each get together and write one chapter a week. Erin "Make-a-buck" took it step further and created an online newsgroup forum and suggested we make it into a weekly contest. The winner would ge a buck from each member.

Both of my sisters, my father and my mom signed up. The first week was fabulous. We each submitted a working title and a synopsis. Everyone was getting into the spirit of the project. The second week went even better and we all submitted our first chapter. The third week was okay, as only a couple of chapters trickled in. My sisters and I were failing at this project we had started - however, my father has taken on this challenge with incredible enthusiasm and we're all benefiting from it! He's compiling stories of his childhood - a part of history we've never really known about. We're thoroughly enjoying every story he's willing to tell and I asked him if it would be ok to post them here in my blog. He agreed, so here for your reading pleasure is the first of several stories I'll post over the next few weeks. I'm sure you will enjoy them as much as we do!

THE MOVE
by Roderick Brown

I must have been between four and five. It was late summer, a sunny day, very
pleasant…..I don’t remember all the details but it seems there was an awful lot of
activity going on. My dad and a couple of his brothers were busily loading all our
furniture, clothing, pots and pans in fact all our worldly possessions onto the back end of
a truck. Jack and Dick were helping with the smaller stuff. Dugal and I were getting in
the way of everyone. Sally and Alex were small enough that they were in a play pen or
something…Leastwise I don’t recall them making a fuss. Finally it appeared we were
loaded and ready to depart.

Evidently there had been a couple of previous trips and this was the moment of truth. The
last load. I did not realize what was happening, I just knew it was big and exciting.
My dad, being a railroad man, called, “All Aboard”.

Well there was a scramble…I recall some discussion between my parents about my being
big enough to ride on top of the load with Jack, Dick and Dugal. It was decided (by
necessity) that I had to ride on top as there wasn’t room in the cab for father, mother,
Sally, Alex AND ME. This made me feel quite grown up and one of the bigger boys.
I had always been something of a runt, always getting hurt, falling down, more often than
not, tears and a snotty nose being my trade marks.

Jack, Dick and Dugal, having been thoroughly admonished about their responsibilities of
ensuring my safety hauled me to the topmost point which was a mattress, kinda covering
things so they wouldn’t blow away.. Tugging on ropes and pushing things around created
a nest hole just big enough for me to crawl into……There was no way in hell that I could
have gotten off that truck if my life had depended on it……..

The journey and arrival must have been rather anti-climatic as I don’t recall much about
it. I do remember being thirsty and not being able to find a water faucet in the kitchen As
a matter of fact I got a big laugh from everyone when I asked where the bathroom was.
Someone pointed towards the back yard and announced, ”Down the Primrose Path where
the hollyhocks grow the tallest” Of course I had no idea what they were referring to but I
eventually found the old three holer outhouse. It was a little unique as it had two adult
sized holes at adult level and a smaller hole at a lower level. The traditional “Sears”
catalog hung off a nail centrally located. A small bag of lime in a pail sat in the corner.
This was for sanitary purposes. On hot summer days it got a little fragrant and the flies
would be quite numerous, so a handful of lime was scattered over the material in the pit.

I was still thirsty so I asked where the faucet was. My dad said, “Come with me”, and
going to the sink he picked up a metal pail that was sitting on a raised portion of the sink.
In the pail was a metal dipper.(There was very little plastic around back then). We went
out the side door and headed towards the road and a huge old maple tree right at the end
of the driveway. There was a small square of concrete on the ground with a strange iron
thing sticking up in the air. It had what looked like a spout on one side and a long iron
handle near the top. My dad hung the pail on the spout and proceeded to lift and lower
the iron handle. After several manipulations of the handle I was flabbergasted to see
water coming out of the spout and filling the pail. When there was adequate water in the
pail the pumping was stopped and my dad took up the dipper and filling it from the
bucket took a long satisfying drink of cold, sweet water. Refilling the dipper he handed it
to me and with a wink he said, “There is your faucet, but you have too do a little work for
it” The water was delicious and so cold it almost hurt my throat. When you get to be a
little bigger, he continued, this will be one of your chores….Keeping the water bucket
full and fresh…..”

April 11, 2007

Congratulations, Rureys!

Ray and Melina Rurey, congratulations for making the FRONT PAGE of the Salmon River News for receiving first place awards for their entries in the 10th Veterans Administration Art Show! The article was very well written, and I'm very pleased that you're both enjoying retirement so much!